Post by Vladimir Strife on Sept 4, 2008 4:43:53 GMT -4
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you in it's full and uncensored form, quite possible the most infamous promo I've ever done.
[WARNING: This promo contains graphic language, gratuitous swearing, racial slurs, misogynist terms, and heavy mention of violence and harm towards small children, the elderly, and babies as well as numerous numerous obscenities, overall disturbing content and/or bestiality porn that may or may not scar your fragile little minds... enjoy! P.S. - There's no bestiality porn, just to ruin the dreams of those sicko's that got excited... you know who you are.]
[[Secondary Warning! Seriously, this promo may be EXTREMELY EXTREMELY offensive to most and I do not recommend that ANYONE under the ages of 18 or anyone who may be easily offended read this! The purpose of this promo is NOT to offend and is from a point of view as my character would see it, not myself. IF you may be offended, please do NOT continue on, you aren't missing anything important. If, against my warnings, you continue on and are offended, I offer my deepest apologies and hope you will be able to separate my actual self from the character of Vladimir Strife that I roleplay.]]
As the cameras come in, Vladimir T. Strife stands there in a dark room with an American flag across the wall behind him. Vlad has a cheesy grin plastered on his face as he looks into the camera.
"First of all, I dedicate this segment to every person out there who has informed me of their displeasure at my use of how would you put it.... foul language. To everyone offended by my crude and brash attitude and my inability to give half of a shit if what I'm saying is morally unsound or if your shit-for-brain children hear it."
Vladimir coughs lightly, clearing his throat a bit. He finishes by taking a sip of water and letting out a small gasp.
"FUCK!"
Vladimir laughs and grins.
"Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, fuck your snot nosed bastard sons, fuck your cunt daughters and fuck your jackass elderly who can't learn to drive a car over 5 miles a goddamned ice age. It's okay to put the gas down a bit, gramps, god knows you were 20 when you pulled out of the driveway. Anyhow, the point here isn't to bash old people. If I wanted to piss off Mr. Magoo, I'd go to a nursing home and slip viagra's into the medical cups and see if grandpa can get his wrinkled ass out of bed now that he's got a kickstand."
"The point, first of all, is that I'm tired of this country. I am sick and fucking tired of America... Actually, let me rephrase that... I'm sick and fucking tired of Americans. This country is beautiful. A country that made it's very first law the rule that I can say what the fuck I want when, where and how I want... now that's a fucking beautiful country. And not just fuck and shit and hell and damn. I can say nigger, chink, spic, housewife, beaner, gringo, cracker, anarchy, antidisestablishmentarianism, supercalifragilisticexbealidocious, and cunt. What bothers me is that THIS bothers you. Despite being one of the few countries in the world that allows this, the civilians are too afraid to use it or to bare it because it crosses some moral boundaries or because vulgarity is supposedly a sign of a lack of sophistication. Hell, it's not, I know the difference between all my dinner utensils, I'm a rather polite guy when I'm in a situation or place that deserves it."
"Plain and simple... stop being pussies. This is the goddamned United fucking States of America. The land of the brave... the land of the free... not the land of the FCC. And if Johnny hears a bad word, tell him what it means. He's going to figure it out someday anyhow, stop sheltering the cocksucker. He's 4, 5, fuck, I don't know how old your kid is but if he's old enough to learn red fish, blue fish then he's right well old enough to be allowed to quoting things from tight slit, large fist."
Vladimir paces about, combing the words together in his brain.
"You see, I'm not even from this country. No, in case you forgotten, I'm from a little country in Europe known as Romania. Don't feel bad, the majority of people have never heard of it. When I came here to America to begin my career in pro wrestling, I was awe-stricken. Not that most American girls look like they should be wearing a sailor hat and are hiding a tattoo that say's Stay-Puft on their back... not that the entirety of the south has a cumulative IQ lower than a 4 year old that caught a brick to the teeth. I was awe-stricken because I could stand out there in front of millions of people... maybe the whole world watching... and tell every last one of them to go fuck themselves."
"Now, I know a lot of people have either muted the tv, turned the channel or are thinking so many questions to themselves. Let me explain something though, sure, we restrict usage of words like nigger, chink, and beaner to keep from offending people racially and we restrict things like sweet-cheeks, cunt and impaired driving to protect the feelings of women... but they have to understand something very important... this is America. Maybe you don't like what someone is calling you, shit, I know I rarely do. It's their fucking right too. Even if someone is a racist, horny, misogynist bastard, that's his right as long as they don't physically do something to you. Now we don't say retarded... we say mentally disabled. We don't say midget, we say little people. Well, fuck YOU! I'll call it as I see it and if you want to make a deal of it... then take it up with the fucking constitution. Lest we forget, freedom is not free."
"You pussies make me sick... but I want to take a quick moment to remind you all to tune in to NeXuS and watch the beating... of... a lifetime... as I knock Rhaps off of my throne and take my crown back. You see, Rhaps... you're just like those people... you stand up for whatever is popular, but not what's right. You want to please everyone and try to be right... it's pathetic. You've got PLENTY more heart than almost anyone in this business... but you've got no balls. You're also the last thing standing between me and the Charging Glory title... and I'll stop at nothing... NOTHING... to get it back. I will dismantle you... you will shed more blood in one night that a Sorority house does in a month. I will get that title... I will perform and emergency.... title... abortion. I will rip that belt from your hands like a coat hanger ripping a baby from it's womb piece by piece. An arm here... a leg there... something indistinguishable there... I will rip your baby away and kill your dreams in the first trimester. Bring everything you've got, Rhaps... and I will leave you with nothing."
~End Of Promo - Comments Welcomed~
[WARNING: This promo contains graphic language, gratuitous swearing, racial slurs, misogynist terms, and heavy mention of violence and harm towards small children, the elderly, and babies as well as numerous numerous obscenities, overall disturbing content and/or bestiality porn that may or may not scar your fragile little minds... enjoy! P.S. - There's no bestiality porn, just to ruin the dreams of those sicko's that got excited... you know who you are.]
[[Secondary Warning! Seriously, this promo may be EXTREMELY EXTREMELY offensive to most and I do not recommend that ANYONE under the ages of 18 or anyone who may be easily offended read this! The purpose of this promo is NOT to offend and is from a point of view as my character would see it, not myself. IF you may be offended, please do NOT continue on, you aren't missing anything important. If, against my warnings, you continue on and are offended, I offer my deepest apologies and hope you will be able to separate my actual self from the character of Vladimir Strife that I roleplay.]]
As the cameras come in, Vladimir T. Strife stands there in a dark room with an American flag across the wall behind him. Vlad has a cheesy grin plastered on his face as he looks into the camera.
"First of all, I dedicate this segment to every person out there who has informed me of their displeasure at my use of how would you put it.... foul language. To everyone offended by my crude and brash attitude and my inability to give half of a shit if what I'm saying is morally unsound or if your shit-for-brain children hear it."
Vladimir coughs lightly, clearing his throat a bit. He finishes by taking a sip of water and letting out a small gasp.
"FUCK!"
Vladimir laughs and grins.
"Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, fuck your snot nosed bastard sons, fuck your cunt daughters and fuck your jackass elderly who can't learn to drive a car over 5 miles a goddamned ice age. It's okay to put the gas down a bit, gramps, god knows you were 20 when you pulled out of the driveway. Anyhow, the point here isn't to bash old people. If I wanted to piss off Mr. Magoo, I'd go to a nursing home and slip viagra's into the medical cups and see if grandpa can get his wrinkled ass out of bed now that he's got a kickstand."
"The point, first of all, is that I'm tired of this country. I am sick and fucking tired of America... Actually, let me rephrase that... I'm sick and fucking tired of Americans. This country is beautiful. A country that made it's very first law the rule that I can say what the fuck I want when, where and how I want... now that's a fucking beautiful country. And not just fuck and shit and hell and damn. I can say nigger, chink, spic, housewife, beaner, gringo, cracker, anarchy, antidisestablishmentarianism, supercalifragilisticexbealidocious, and cunt. What bothers me is that THIS bothers you. Despite being one of the few countries in the world that allows this, the civilians are too afraid to use it or to bare it because it crosses some moral boundaries or because vulgarity is supposedly a sign of a lack of sophistication. Hell, it's not, I know the difference between all my dinner utensils, I'm a rather polite guy when I'm in a situation or place that deserves it."
"Plain and simple... stop being pussies. This is the goddamned United fucking States of America. The land of the brave... the land of the free... not the land of the FCC. And if Johnny hears a bad word, tell him what it means. He's going to figure it out someday anyhow, stop sheltering the cocksucker. He's 4, 5, fuck, I don't know how old your kid is but if he's old enough to learn red fish, blue fish then he's right well old enough to be allowed to quoting things from tight slit, large fist."
Vladimir paces about, combing the words together in his brain.
"You see, I'm not even from this country. No, in case you forgotten, I'm from a little country in Europe known as Romania. Don't feel bad, the majority of people have never heard of it. When I came here to America to begin my career in pro wrestling, I was awe-stricken. Not that most American girls look like they should be wearing a sailor hat and are hiding a tattoo that say's Stay-Puft on their back... not that the entirety of the south has a cumulative IQ lower than a 4 year old that caught a brick to the teeth. I was awe-stricken because I could stand out there in front of millions of people... maybe the whole world watching... and tell every last one of them to go fuck themselves."
"Now, I know a lot of people have either muted the tv, turned the channel or are thinking so many questions to themselves. Let me explain something though, sure, we restrict usage of words like nigger, chink, and beaner to keep from offending people racially and we restrict things like sweet-cheeks, cunt and impaired driving to protect the feelings of women... but they have to understand something very important... this is America. Maybe you don't like what someone is calling you, shit, I know I rarely do. It's their fucking right too. Even if someone is a racist, horny, misogynist bastard, that's his right as long as they don't physically do something to you. Now we don't say retarded... we say mentally disabled. We don't say midget, we say little people. Well, fuck YOU! I'll call it as I see it and if you want to make a deal of it... then take it up with the fucking constitution. Lest we forget, freedom is not free."
"You pussies make me sick... but I want to take a quick moment to remind you all to tune in to NeXuS and watch the beating... of... a lifetime... as I knock Rhaps off of my throne and take my crown back. You see, Rhaps... you're just like those people... you stand up for whatever is popular, but not what's right. You want to please everyone and try to be right... it's pathetic. You've got PLENTY more heart than almost anyone in this business... but you've got no balls. You're also the last thing standing between me and the Charging Glory title... and I'll stop at nothing... NOTHING... to get it back. I will dismantle you... you will shed more blood in one night that a Sorority house does in a month. I will get that title... I will perform and emergency.... title... abortion. I will rip that belt from your hands like a coat hanger ripping a baby from it's womb piece by piece. An arm here... a leg there... something indistinguishable there... I will rip your baby away and kill your dreams in the first trimester. Bring everything you've got, Rhaps... and I will leave you with nothing."
~End Of Promo - Comments Welcomed~
