M. Bison vs. Kahlan: Bison's Choice of Stipulation

[M BISON]

All of the MadHouse crowd focuses on the ring announcer, who prepares to begin the formalities for the fourth match of the night.

Porter: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a match requested by Kahlan, for her opponent to choose the stipulation! Introducing first, her opponent!"

"Ride the Lightning" by Metallica hits the PA as some of the crowd begins cheering. The opening riff plays four times and spotlights move to the entranceway, the spectators standing for whom they presume as the returning competitor.

Sang: "Could it be?"

Trix: "I think so!"

Guilty as charged, but dammit it ain't right,
There's someone else controlling me!
Death in the air, strapping in the electric chair,
This can't be happening to me!

Who made you God to say,
I'll take your life from you!

Flash before my eyes, now it's time to-

The music abruptly stops as Porter lifts the microphone to his lips. The crowd quiets down in confusion as the situation is explained to them.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I've just received word that Kahlan's opponent is in a deep depression from his most recent loss and refuses to do anything. However, we have found a replacement! Now, introducing her opponent!"

"Shut Me Up" by Mindless Self Indulgence begins to play, and the naive crowd once again gets to their feet.

"SERIOUSLY? YAY!"

"Probably not."

The bass, the rock, the mic, the treble,
I like my coffee black, just like my metal!
With the bass, the rock, the mic, the treble,
I like my coffee black, just like my metal!

I can't wait for you to shut me up,
In a minute minute, in a fucking minute,
I can't wait for you to shut me up,
In a minute minute, in a second.

I can't wait for you to shut me up,
And make me hip like badass-

This song stops as well, thickening the cloud of confusion. Andrew Porter begins speaking again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have just been informed that the second alternate opponent is not even in the arena, if that's surprising at all! There is ANOTHER substitute, though, so introducing Kahlan's opponent..."

By now, the crowd grows impatient of the jokes, so the real opponent prepares to show his face.

"Okay, seriously, who is it..."

"Unseen since LDWA, weighing in at... 16.5 stone, whatever the hell those are, M. BISON!!!"

"Oh, son of a bitch."

"YAY!"

"When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 5000 hits the PA. Angrily, M. Bison stomps out into the ramp, grinning as he thinks about the stipulation he has planned. Flanking the demigod, walking just behind him, are several blondes with large-but-not-too-large knockers, all of which he was able to consecutively ensemenate earlier in the evening without breaking a sweat because he's so awesome.

With Trix's eyes locked on his package, Bison grabs the middle rope and climbs onto the apron, then steps through the ropes. Standing in the squared circle, M. Bison stretches his arm toward Porter, demanding a microphone. The sounds of Powerman 5000 fade out and the King of Fighters prepares to make the rules.

"Stipulation... Hm... See, Kahlan, I always love a good two-on-one at times. Given that, I announce that my stipulation is a HANDICAP MATCH! Now here's my partner!"

"Handicap? He can't do that!"

"He just did!"

TBC mystery partner

[Sasquatch]

A hush falls over the crowd as the arena is completely in shock from the appearance of M. Bison. Suddenly Techno Syndrome 7 by the Immortals begins playing and emerging from the top of the stage is Sasquatch, followed in succession by his manager, Stefano Fabrici.

Trix:~Something smells fishy here.

Sang:~ Not me, I used a strawberry douche this morning.

Trix looks at Sang and immediately drops her face into her hands in disbelief.

The Behemoth makes his way down to the ring, not stopping for one moment, eyes locked on M. Bison as he rolls into the ring. Big Foot gets nose to nose with the one called Vega. The intensity in the arena rises as they continue this game of chicken, and Sasquatch blinks, curses and Bison laughs at him.

Trix:~Did they just have a staring contest?

Sang:~ I believe so, and I think M. Bison won!

Trix:~ How could you even tell if Sasquatch blinked or not?

Sang:~ Look at his eyes? Duh.

Both men shake hands and await the entrance of Little K, the infamous antagonist known as Kahlan.

TBC

[Slut (✿ ◕‿◕)]

‘I’m awesome’ by Dollyrots escalates to signal the arrival of the challenger now unknowingly doomed to an unfair contest. KaHLaN sweeps the lavish coloured curtains aside and cruises her way upon the stage and as her theme begins to pick up springs down the ramp towards the ring. At reaching the squared circle, the LaDDeR qUeeN slides into the battleground from beneath the bottom ropes just to jump up face to face with the Sasquatch. The Sassy monster looks down at his feeble excuse of an opponent at first sight, lifts his head up high and lets out a howling scream, which only a hairy being as he can muster. KaHlaN takes a couple of steps away from the behemoth suddenly taken aback by the lack of reason in the thing’s actions. M. Bison and the Italian manager both step out of the ring and the referee moves to call for the bell.

“Well this will certainly be a rather not so interesting match seeing the amount of force on one side of the ring and the lack of it on the other side. As if the size and strength of Sasquatch are not to be taken seriously, what the hell will you say about M. Bison?! The dude is unreasonably beastier than the beast as his partner!”

“Well don’t forget that on the other side there stands the extremely resourceful diva and... and... well yea, KaHLaN is in a real mess here. The smart thing is to somehow escape this ring, and get out of the arena. That is what I would do anyway, and I know I’m right.”

“What did you say?!”

“I said I would escape the ring and run out of the arena.”

“No after that, did you just use Oliveira’s trademark quote? That is so not like you.”

“No, you need to go and get your ears checked. I used a superior version of it.”

TBC

[M BISON]

Sasquatch walks toward his opponent, towering over the much smaller Kahlan. Little K turns around and runs to the ropes, then bounces off of them and charges on her return trip. Kahlan jumps and kicks both feet out at the 7-foot monster, connecting the Dropkick with the stomach of Bison's new furry friend. Sasquatch stumbles back slightly but is hardly affected and simply stares at the Englishwoman while she gets up and runs back to the ropes again. Trying to dismantle the giant monster in any possible way, Kahlan runs at Sasquatch once more before jumping again and delivering another Dropkick, but it has the same small effect on the Abominable Wrestler. Becoming frustrated, Kahlan turns onto her stomach and pounds the mat before getting up. Compounding her irritation is the leg of Sasquatch lifting up right as she turns toward him, the massive hairy foot striking Little K in the face and knocking her to the canvas. The once-mythical creature lifts his arms in the air and lets out a triumphant roar, then turns to M. Bison and begins walking to his partner. The King of Fighters is tagged in, and shows his happiness to being tagged in by fist pumping and shouting "YES!"

Happily, M. Bison steps through the ropes and walks toward Kahlan. The crazy girl gets up near her legal opponent, who immediately swings his leg sideways to attempt a round kick. Kahlan catches the leg and throws it away from her, spinning Bison 180 degrees. Little K squats down while the Street Fighter turns back toward her, then she jumps and puts one leg on each of Bison's shoulders before leaning back. M. Bison's approval of Kahlan's manuever disappears when it sends him somersaulting forward and landing on his back in a daze, yet his hat mysteriously stays on. With rage visible on his face, the Master of the Psycho Crusher sits up and shakes the cobwebs from the previous move loose. He doesn't have time to get up, though, as Kahlan got to her feet quickly and now approaches from behind. The Mad Girl flips forward while grabbing the seated M. Bison's head and lands in front of him, quickly jerking the brawler's head and neck before his upper body recoils back and he lies flat from the sudden move.

"Neck Snap by Kahlan, and she's handling this situation quite well so far!"

"The only big factor now is keeping Sasquatch out of the equation. The chick's shown that she is faster than both of them, and we knew that, but she's only strong enough to do any visible damage to Bison."

Kahlan turns around and crawls on top of Bison, then slides her arm in between his legs... to hook his leg. The referee begins counting the pin and his hand connects with the canvas twice, but the Street Fighter refuses to let this match slip away unless his balls are played with. Bison manages to get to his feet, slightly shaken from the one-two combo of quick moves by his limber opponent but ready to continue fighting her. Little K and the Man of Golden Balls stand face to face before Kahlan quickly delivers a kick to the stomach. Running past the doubled-over Bison and to the ropes behind him, the prudish Briton rebounds and runs toward her pheromone-driven adversary. Kahlan sticks her arm to the side and jumps, then sits down in mid-air to attempt a Bulldog. The traveling fighter doesn't let himself get dragged forward, instead slipping his head out of the precarious position and letting the Englishwoman land on the mat by herself. The spunky underdog scrambles to her feet and turns to face M. Bison, but the chiseled awesomeness is already charging at her. Sticking his arm out to the side, Bison drives Kahlan to the mat with a vicious clothesline. Little K hits the mat quickly due to the impact, the move having hit her right in the neck. Being that the cruiserweight isn't the first woman whom M. Bison has caused a sore throat, the King of Fighters is unfazed by his adversary's oral plight.

"This is where the power game might become too much."

"You never want to doubt Kahlan's heart, but you do have a point there, especially with TWO of them! That clothesline almost took her head off!"

TBC Kahlan

[Slut (✿ ◕‿◕)]

OOC: Ok I see what you’re doing!


The anonymous Street Fighter turns around in a controlled frenzy of expressing outward delight in his bossy domination. Bison drags his opposing competition up to her feet by pulling at a lock of her hair where he then picks her up on a right shoulder, before turning towards a corner of the ring as he runs with KaHLaN’s head presumably playing the part of a spear head of a battering ram. Almost a step away from a surly to be a black out, the Special One slides off of her captor’s shoulder and instead pushes Bison into the turnbuckles. The evil antagonist however places a giant hand on the top buckle and stops himself from colliding, turns around and finds his skull trapped in the middle of two hands hooked behind the back of his head and two knees positioned just beneath his jaw. KaHLaN falls backwards where she slams hard into the canvas and as a result drives Bison’s head into her jagged knees. Abstrusely unfazed by the impact, Vega grabs the awesome Geordie around her waist and straightens up to hold her up in a dangerous suspension hovering above the mat. Desperate to escape a doomed fate KaHLaN grabs at the first thing she can get her hands on and lifts Bison’s hat! Screaming a mighty howl the super ovulating agent, Master B, let’s go of his hold and instead steals back his hat in mid-air as the Demonised Angle lands on her feet. Watching Bison put his hat back atop his head; KaHLaN swings her arm with an open palm leading...

“WOOOOO”

KaHLaN’s handprint slowly fades away as the left sphere of Bison’s face turns into a bright rosy red, deep in contrast to his pale skin colour. Seeing the shocked expression on her opponent’s half crimson features takes KaHLaN by surprise as she unbelievably starts to chuckle. A few short seconds later the Psycho Crusher slowly begins to follow in suit, first in a shy titter then progressively into a hearty, grumbling laughter with the unique Bison worthy enthusiasm. Doing so he places his both hands on his belly and as he continues with the chortle his huge chest pumps up and down with a rhythm. The crowds of spectators are next to follow in the jubilant festivity and even Sasquatch joins in, slapping his paw on the top turnbuckle and stomping his foot on the canvas as he roars on.

“HAR HAR HAR SHE... HAR... SHE SLAPPED HIM!? HAR HAR HAR”

“HEHEHEHA... I SAW... HAHA...I SAW IT. SHE JUST SLAPPED M.BISON...HEHEHE-”

Abruptly and unceremoniously the whole arena falls into a sudden silence as the whacking sound of a huge, more stinging second slap reverberates around, bewildering MB into a mute mode. Holding his face and truly in shock again, Bison looks back at the TRUE Strife Slayer with his jaw slackened, but only for a few moments as he gathers his sense and his features come alive with unquestionable RAGING! Thrusting his arm forward, the Boss of everything and anything in connection with wickedness clasps the Mad Girl around her throat, lifts her up without wasting a shred of sweat as if lifting a rag doll and plants the crazy diva into the canvas with a giant Choke Slam.

“Aww, that has to hurt!”

“Damn right it hurts! It also hurts getting bitch slapped by a WOMAN, and in more ways than just ONE!”

“How do YOU know?”

“I know I’m right!”

TBCB Sasquatch

[Sasquatch]

(MD OOC EDIT: Sasquatch's internet is fucking up so he said he'd email me his post and I could edit this post with it. Here it is.)

TITTIES

TBC Kahlan

[M BISON]

Standing up straight and looking around at the crowd, the King of Fighters realizes what he must do to finish the match. Bison walks over to Sasquatch with an outstretched hand, tagging his furry friend in, but he stops him to whisper something in his ear first. The Abominable Wrestler nods his head in understanding of M. Bison's plans, then walks over to Kahlan and drops down with a bent arm. Sasquatch's elbow lands on the diva's face before he crawls onto her and hooks a leg for a pinfall. 1... 2... Kahlan kicks out. The Street Fighter is currently walking up the aisle while the confused crowd speculates what he might be up to. In the ring, Sasquatch picks Kahlan up to her feet by the hair, then scoops her up between the legs and turns her over. Before the Mad Girl can be slammed, she slips out of Sassy's grasp and wraps her legs around the creature's head before hanging to the side. The blood flow to the mythical wrestler's head is reduced by the pressure on his neck, and Sasquatch flails his arms around in panic. A small horn honks as M. Bison drives out in a bright red clown car, his head sticking out of the moonroof as it trudges toward the squared circle. The crowd cheers as the car draws nearer to the ring.

"What the hell is Bison doing? This is a bad idea!"

"This is so retarded."

As the car impacts with the side of the ring, the ButcherTron shows a nuclear explosion going off. The spectators cheer as Sasquatch plays along, falling to the side and sprawling out, almost crushing Kahlan's leg on the way down before she releases the head scissors. In anger at being mocked, Little K gets up and runs to the ropes, then jumps on them and leaps outside the ring with both legs kicked forward. Bison takes the Missile Dropkick straight to the face and slumps down in his vehicle. Kahlan falls outside the ring but doesn't take too long to get up and deliver a flurry of punches to the dazed Street Fighter. Vega is defenseless during the onslaught, but Sasquatch has gotten up and approaches the situation to assist. Sassy puts his knee on the middle rope and reaches over the ropes to grab Kahlan's hair, then turns her toward him and pulls her head forward. The Mad Girl's forehead collides with the Rasslin' Bigfoot's knee and knocks her back, giving Bison time to open the car door and squeeze out of the small automobile. The Man of Golden Balls falls to the floor, still fazed by the offense that Kahlan got in on him. Sasquatch hastily climbs the turnbuckles, getting to the top within a few seconds, while the stunned Kahlan stands below. The Myth Buster and the Hymen Buster both look at their opponent before Sassy jumps off of his perch with an arm stretched to the side, but Kahlan ducks the flying clothesline attempt and let the large monster crash to the floor. As Sasquatch hits the concrete, Little K immediately jumps and performs a backflip before crashing stomach-first onto the back of her massive opponent with a standing Moonsault.

"Kahlan has managed to use her speed and agility to take the advantage now! This isn't something I expected!"

"Well, if Bison was focused more on wrestling and less on joking around and trying to dry hump her, he'd probably have won by now."

M. Bison scrambles to his feet while Kahlan gets up and slides into the ring. The King of Fighters slaps his hand onto that of his partner to tag himself in, then slides in after Little K. The British diva runs forward and turns into a cartwheel before bouncing back at Bison with an elbow that collides with his sternum and sends him stumbling backward until he hits the ropes. Kahlan does a backflip before charging at Bison, then jumps at him only to be grabbed around the waist and thrown to the mat with a thud. The crude Spinebuster gives the Street Fighter some time to gather himself as his partner gets up outside of the ring. Bison grabs his opponent's ankles and turns so that his back is facing the corner, then slides his hands up to her calves and pulls her body up into a wheelbarrow position. Instead of performing a slingshot into the corner like expected, the hormone-driven brawler simply stands with Kahlan in that position and begins grinding. The males in the crowd snicker at their role model's behavior while the few remaining female fans (due to LOTS OF RAPE SEGMENTS) sit in either jealousy or disgust. Bison dismisses the disgust as lesbianism before leaning back to hurl Kahlan into the turnbuckles with a slingshot, and she collides face-first with the padding before falling to the canvas.

TBC Kahlan

[Slut (✿ ◕‿◕)]

KaHLaN elevates her shoulders up with a snap using raw power generated from her legs, clearing from the canvas as the referee brings his hand down in a descend for a third count. A few gurgles of disappointment sweep out from amongst the audience while within the ring Bison wasting no time cups a hand behind his opponent’s neck and pulls her up to her feet after him. A quick fist jabbed into the abdomen doubles the raven girl forward which is enough for MB to leave behind as he dashes for the ropes behind her. Bouncing back Vega gets in range as he jumps up flying with his knees leading. The bony knobs are driven wildly into each of the Geordie’s cheeks sending her running towards the far end and over the top. Flipping forward out of the ring’s confines, KaHLaN manages to hold on tight to the top rope and so before her feet can make contact with the tiled concrete of the outside she recoils into a ball and pops back landing on the squared circle’s mat. She grins lopsidedly at the portion of the crowd facing her, obviously pleased with herself just until a hand grabs her behind the scruff of her shirt and another the back of her baggy pants. Bison unceremoniously picks her up and lifting her high places her body back first, draped across his wide chest. Walking to the middle of the ring he pushes up and as if practicing weightlifting presses the cruiserweight high up in the air for a count of “ONE”! Then “TWO”! And “THREE”!

“Speaking of the unthinkable, look at what Bison is doing now! He has somehow managed to combine his weightlifting practices at the gym with this match, or is he genuinely confused on the topic of the purpose for an opponent?”
“Are you trying to imply that M. Bison, Master Bison, the Street Fighter, the Boss is having a hard time distinguishing between a weightlifting pole and KaHLaN?... Well there could be a possibility here.”
“This is certainly a bizarre situation here as Bison continues to show off his strength with his FIFTH press up!”

His muscles bulging from exertion Master Bison yet again attempts an impressive sixth press up but before his elbows lock in straight, KaHLaN slips away like a fish. Falling down the Mad Girl flips sideways as she rotates and scissors her legs around the head of the Hormone Driven icon. She whirls around using the gravity to accelerate and hooks Bison’s left arm. The momentum in her favour, she swirls around with the arm trapped in her possession, which ends decisively with a bulldog landing at the Street Fighter’s expense. Bison shocked by the impact remains paralyzed as KaHLaN lies flat on his back at an angle of 90 degrees using all of her feeble weight wittily to keep him flat down on his stomach as she still in control of his arm pulls it back, stretching his left forearm, bicep and pectoral muscle. A semi-unanimous gasp of surprise escape from some divisions of the audience in attendance as KaHLaN grits her teeth and hauls back with determination trying to force more pressure into her opponent’s joints. The referee doing a great job at keeping an eye on all of the critical moments in the contest kneels down low, checking on everything to be within the legal limits and every now and then throws a question at Bison trying to decipher whether he has had enough yet or not. Losing patience with the stubbornness being showcased by the Man of Golden Balls, KaHLaN suddenly releases the Armbar but instead quickly mounts Bison from behind, bars in a double Chickenwing on the arms and rolls forward into a bridging position.

People stand up on their feet sensing a now not so out of sight upset here, every one of them witnessing the punishment Bison is being put through ruthlessly stretching on and on. Surprise and for the most part relief reverberates around the Solid Core Gymnasium as the big foot of no other than the furry monster lands mercilessly on the diva’s abdomen. The purpose of breaking the hold fulfilled, Sasquatch’s view to his rolling in pain victim is blocked by that of a red faced official screaming at him to get the hell out to his corner. Sassy sticks his giant furry chest out as he throws his head back and lets out a mighty howl. Anger expressed he turns around to be guided by the referee’s hand on the small of his back towards where he should be. Behind the zebra-shirt wearing man’s back and Sasquatch’s beady black eyes, M. Bison elevates to his four, shakes his head sided to side and then right foot out first stands up. Instantly seizing opportunity, the Dark Diva stops playing possum and pounces up to one knee, her fist drawn back like an arrow waiting to be released... STRAIGHT PUNCH TO HIS BALLS, FAGGOT!

“Holy hell what a blow to the family jewels of mankind’s role model!”
“Holy shit, Bison didn’t feel it!”
“Holy cow, you’re right!”
“Holy... screw that, what happened to all of the ‘Man of the Golden Balls’ and everything!? M. Bison looks unfazed! He looks perfectly at ease considering the man have just been blown with THE GUN SHOW!?”
“KaHLaN cannot believe it! Or is her frozen expression due to her having felt something we can’t see?!”
“Do you see anyone here who can believe it?! Bison either has steel made testicles or...”
“Oh dear.”

Done burning a hole into KaHLaN’s shocked expression with his glare Vega leans forward and grabs her around the throat, yanking her up to her feet. A free punch into the temple plants her right back to where she was before. Again, Bison yanks KaHLaN up to her feet, but this time the girl slaps the hand holding her at bay away and turns to make a run for the ropes behind her. MB immediately does the same and dashes for the opposing ropes. Both athletes bounce back together and in the middle of the ring collide with Bison jumping and knocking the Brit’s Blitz down on her back. The anonymous fighter lands on his opponent’s chest and mounted in position, starts to grin as he rides back and forth. Indignant, KaHLaN starts clawing at the beast’s chest while the arena rises up in applause for the Super Ovulating Agent Bison. The King of Fighters finally rolls off and hastily strides to tag in the impatient EVPW’s one and only, the Bigfoot. Sasquatch wastes no time in stepping over the ropes. KaHLaN rushes back to her feet just to have the furry monster turn out behind her and hook her right arm with one arm only and lock it in a Chickenwing, while with the other he unceremoniously wraps it around the Briton’s neck in a Sleeper Hold. The prison-colour shirt wearing man pops up close scrutinizing the hold, checking for possible chokes and of course to check on the condition of the fast fading diva. Desperate and with too much spunk left in her to submit, KaHLaN plants herself wildly on her rump, smashing the top of her skull into Sassy’s jaw, forcing him to break away and take an involuntary step back.

Free thanks to her innovation, Little K speedily regains her vertical status and turns towards the Abominable Wrestler. The Rasslin’ Bigfoot stomps down hard as he catches KaHLaN in a Waistlock, then bridges back flipping the TRUE Strife Slayer over, dropping her on her back with a frighteningly fast Belly to Belly Suplex. Both competitors snap back to their feet, the behemoth far faster than the girl, who has an arm stuck to her spine and has her lower back arched. Sasquatch steals the Special One’s other wrist in mid-air and pulls to Irish Whip her across, where KaHLaN is sent flying over the ropes and this time unquestionably clear and out of the squared circle to land bumping on tiled concrete outside.

“Sasquatch unceremoniously dumps KaHLaN out of the ring, what Bison failed to do earlier in this so far entertaining contest. He is in control here and unsurprisingly fresh. KaHLaN is spent. I can see it in the way she was caught unsuspecting in that Belly to Belly Suplex and hear it in the way our monster sent her flying into oblivion.”
“Although the nature of this sport has time and time again shown its nature in being unpredictable to call, I must agree with you Trix on this one. As we said, putting aside the shortcomings on KaHLaN’s part in size, weight and strength, the numbers game is just too much. Maybe she had a tiny chance of scoring with Bison alone if luck was on her side on the night, but with Sasquatch involved, I can see why it is doubtful.”

TBC