Post by Rhaps on May 7, 2019 14:19:10 GMT -4
The scene opens in the backstage area of the EVPW gymnasium with a camera trained on the relatively unknown Mr Bodacious who is currently garbed in a bright orange suit, complete with matching tie. He has a long blonde wig sitting on his head and he brushes his face locks a few times whimsically, looking off into the middle distance dreamily. Standing beside the deluded man a backstage staffer is standing awkwardly. He is also holding a hairbrush by the bristles and is pointing it at Mr Bodacious as though it were a microphone. As Mr Bodacious continues to stare off into blank space the staffer shrugs and looks to someone standing behind the camera lens. Something inaudible is heard before Mr Bodacious snaps back to reality and turns to the unfortunate man who got roped into helping the maniac jobber with this spot. Mr Bodacious’ cardboard title belt, the Everything Championship, is sat pride of place across his shoulder and he pats it happily as he turns to the backstage staff member.
“Uh, Mr Bodacious, why am I standing here pretending to interview you?”
“Quiet Clive, this interview is about my Bodacity. Hold that microphone closer so my adoring public can hear my words.”
“My name is Steven and I don’t feel comfortable doing this.”
“Good question Clive, why has the Bodacious One returned to EVPW after so many glorious exploits?”
“I didn’t ask…”
Mr Bodacious however ignores the poor staffer’s attempts at reasoning with him. Inside the jobber’s brain he imagines that anybody who is watching this broadcast is cheering avidly for him and practically hanging off every word. The Bodacious One snatches the brush from Steven’s hand and shoos him away irritably before holding up his coveted title belt over his head triumphantly. The face of the Everything Championship has been decorated with various scrawls and scribbles in varying hues of permanent marker pen. The word ‘Everything’ is clearly visible and crude fireballs and streaks of lightning has been drawn over almost every available space. Mr Bodacious looks at his treasured possession proudly before returning his gaze back to the camera, raising the hairbrush to his mouth as he does so.
“Mr Bodacious has spent some time outside of these venerable halls and has become to first man to walk solo to both the North and South pole in his underwear and a tooth pick; the first to ski down Everest’s summit in one go and befriended the whales. Clearly, I am a man who is immensely talented so why come back to do something as mundane as wrestling I hear you ask?”
At this point Steven comes back into view, his facial features creased with a quizzical expression as he tries to comprehend Mr Bodacious’ many boasts. He rubs his head in thought as he steps up. The Bodacious One jumps back in fright and holds his hands up in a karate chop pose, waiting for the lowly staffer to attack.
“Literally nobody is asking that. You’re delusional.”
“It’s always nice to meet a fan Rupert. Now go before I smite you.”
The Bodacious One shoos Steven away once more and looks at him haughtily until he finally turns to leave. Suddenly, Mr Bodacious drops into a crouch and proceeds to Karate Chop the staffer in the back of the neck. Steven turns and rubs in neck in mild surprise as if fly had landed and he was brushing it away but to Mr Bodacious the assault was absolutely devastating and he runs about in a small circle with his hands held up in victory.
“Sorry you had to see that my Bodacinites. Now that Paul has been dealt with, I can finally address the matter of why I am here in EVPW. You see, it has long been known that I am absolutely the best at Everything, hence my title here. But I have to clear up some events that transpired during my last visit to these halls. When I was last here, I got into a kerfuffle with the Queen of Mean, Aryana “Envy” Renfield and after I was through with her, she was left in ruins. Roll the clip.”
Mr Bodacious signals for a clip to be played. The action cuts back to a clip of the Bodacious One destroying Envy’s locker room in a misbegotten prank. The Kiwi Crusher is seen advancing down the hallway and shouting hysterically upon seeing the devastation wrought by the Maniac Sensation before beating the living hell out of the delusional man. The clip ends with a close up shot of a bloodied and beaten Mr Bodacious lying strewn on the floor in a pile of his own blood as Envy spits on him insultingly and walking away. The scene cuts back to a still wigged Mr Bodacious.
“As you saw in that clip, I absolutely dominated that woman. She walked around EVPW thinking she was the best until I gave her a beatdown she would never forget. It may look as if the Bodacious One took a few licks there but I can assure you that she fared far worse and is still recovering from my vicious onslaught to this day. Which now leads me to say that I am the greatest competitor ever who could best the most talented female competitors. Amanda Hallsworth would be laid out with a single finger poke of doom. She is a second-rate talent, a hack that would easily succumb to my greatness. Angel Morgan is just a poor version of Amanda. I could beat those two in under a minute if they ever dared to team up against me. She is so vain that she would be beaten with the very mirror she uses to admire her reflection. In fact, she wouldn’t even see it coming.”
Mr Bodacious laughs uproariously from his joke and winks enthusiastically at the camera. An audible sigh is heard from the other side of the lens as the Bodacious One imagines people practically holding their sides in from his comedic genius.
“I can’t even remember any other female competitors because they are all so forgettable and lame in the ring. I, Mr Bodacious, am the new Queen of this federation. Uhh, I mean King. I meant King! But my point remains valid. The Bodacious One is the most gifted man to enter an EVPW ring. I am undefeated in matches and I am the longest reigning and only Everything Champion in history.”
As Mr Bodacious continues to brag, he strokes his previous title belt covetously. In his mind’s eye his accolades have been recorded in every history textbook and Guiness world book of records and he sighs contentedly.
“That is all I have come to say. I know that my loyal fans, the Bodacinites will be rejoicing at the return of their hero but sadly my time during this interview has come to an end. To anybody that may have not enjoyed this spot, which I highly doubt, I say…you watched it and you can’t un-watch it. Muha. Good Night EVPW.”
Mr Bodacious lowers the hairbrush and slams it into the ground emphatically. He bounces up and down on the spot with a Rocky-esque pose and punches the air a few times as if he were going toe to toe with a piece of meat. An awkward cough follows from the camera operator before it fades to black.
“Uh, Mr Bodacious, why am I standing here pretending to interview you?”
“Quiet Clive, this interview is about my Bodacity. Hold that microphone closer so my adoring public can hear my words.”
“My name is Steven and I don’t feel comfortable doing this.”
“Good question Clive, why has the Bodacious One returned to EVPW after so many glorious exploits?”
“I didn’t ask…”
Mr Bodacious however ignores the poor staffer’s attempts at reasoning with him. Inside the jobber’s brain he imagines that anybody who is watching this broadcast is cheering avidly for him and practically hanging off every word. The Bodacious One snatches the brush from Steven’s hand and shoos him away irritably before holding up his coveted title belt over his head triumphantly. The face of the Everything Championship has been decorated with various scrawls and scribbles in varying hues of permanent marker pen. The word ‘Everything’ is clearly visible and crude fireballs and streaks of lightning has been drawn over almost every available space. Mr Bodacious looks at his treasured possession proudly before returning his gaze back to the camera, raising the hairbrush to his mouth as he does so.
“Mr Bodacious has spent some time outside of these venerable halls and has become to first man to walk solo to both the North and South pole in his underwear and a tooth pick; the first to ski down Everest’s summit in one go and befriended the whales. Clearly, I am a man who is immensely talented so why come back to do something as mundane as wrestling I hear you ask?”
At this point Steven comes back into view, his facial features creased with a quizzical expression as he tries to comprehend Mr Bodacious’ many boasts. He rubs his head in thought as he steps up. The Bodacious One jumps back in fright and holds his hands up in a karate chop pose, waiting for the lowly staffer to attack.
“Literally nobody is asking that. You’re delusional.”
“It’s always nice to meet a fan Rupert. Now go before I smite you.”
The Bodacious One shoos Steven away once more and looks at him haughtily until he finally turns to leave. Suddenly, Mr Bodacious drops into a crouch and proceeds to Karate Chop the staffer in the back of the neck. Steven turns and rubs in neck in mild surprise as if fly had landed and he was brushing it away but to Mr Bodacious the assault was absolutely devastating and he runs about in a small circle with his hands held up in victory.
“Sorry you had to see that my Bodacinites. Now that Paul has been dealt with, I can finally address the matter of why I am here in EVPW. You see, it has long been known that I am absolutely the best at Everything, hence my title here. But I have to clear up some events that transpired during my last visit to these halls. When I was last here, I got into a kerfuffle with the Queen of Mean, Aryana “Envy” Renfield and after I was through with her, she was left in ruins. Roll the clip.”
Mr Bodacious signals for a clip to be played. The action cuts back to a clip of the Bodacious One destroying Envy’s locker room in a misbegotten prank. The Kiwi Crusher is seen advancing down the hallway and shouting hysterically upon seeing the devastation wrought by the Maniac Sensation before beating the living hell out of the delusional man. The clip ends with a close up shot of a bloodied and beaten Mr Bodacious lying strewn on the floor in a pile of his own blood as Envy spits on him insultingly and walking away. The scene cuts back to a still wigged Mr Bodacious.
“As you saw in that clip, I absolutely dominated that woman. She walked around EVPW thinking she was the best until I gave her a beatdown she would never forget. It may look as if the Bodacious One took a few licks there but I can assure you that she fared far worse and is still recovering from my vicious onslaught to this day. Which now leads me to say that I am the greatest competitor ever who could best the most talented female competitors. Amanda Hallsworth would be laid out with a single finger poke of doom. She is a second-rate talent, a hack that would easily succumb to my greatness. Angel Morgan is just a poor version of Amanda. I could beat those two in under a minute if they ever dared to team up against me. She is so vain that she would be beaten with the very mirror she uses to admire her reflection. In fact, she wouldn’t even see it coming.”
Mr Bodacious laughs uproariously from his joke and winks enthusiastically at the camera. An audible sigh is heard from the other side of the lens as the Bodacious One imagines people practically holding their sides in from his comedic genius.
“I can’t even remember any other female competitors because they are all so forgettable and lame in the ring. I, Mr Bodacious, am the new Queen of this federation. Uhh, I mean King. I meant King! But my point remains valid. The Bodacious One is the most gifted man to enter an EVPW ring. I am undefeated in matches and I am the longest reigning and only Everything Champion in history.”
As Mr Bodacious continues to brag, he strokes his previous title belt covetously. In his mind’s eye his accolades have been recorded in every history textbook and Guiness world book of records and he sighs contentedly.
“That is all I have come to say. I know that my loyal fans, the Bodacinites will be rejoicing at the return of their hero but sadly my time during this interview has come to an end. To anybody that may have not enjoyed this spot, which I highly doubt, I say…you watched it and you can’t un-watch it. Muha. Good Night EVPW.”
Mr Bodacious lowers the hairbrush and slams it into the ground emphatically. He bounces up and down on the spot with a Rocky-esque pose and punches the air a few times as if he were going toe to toe with a piece of meat. An awkward cough follows from the camera operator before it fades to black.
