Envious Bodacity

[Rhaps]

EVPW returns from commercial and the camera pans around a virtually empty arena. A few fans dot the place here and there before the camera turns to the announce desk and reveals the awkward faces of Ray and JP. JP rests his palm flat against his face whilst Ray enthusiastically waves to the viewers at home. The camera cuts back to the ring just as the Titantron flashes into life and the entire building is bathed in a glow of light as two spot lights are turned on, illuminating the dark recesses of the roof. A few moments pass before a silhouette appears at the top of the entrance ramp. The figure begins walking to the ring and abruptly, the most significant firework display in the history of wrestling ever seen.

Mr. Bodacious suddenly pops into view and he is holding a sparkler aloft. Some in the front rows stand back, in fear of being scorched by such a tremendous display of pyrotechnics. Suddenly, four stage hands appear, each holding two lit sparklers. They move into position further down the entrance ramp and from a human arch, putting the dangerous fireworks ominously close to one another. Mister Bodacious decides to brave the danger and he ducks under the arms of the waiting stage hands before offering a cheesy grin to the crowd and throwing his own sparkler into the air. As it falls to the ground the Bodadious One shrieks and dives heroically to one side, impressing himself with his death defying stunts.

JP: Wow, what a daredevil Mr Bodacious is. He nearly died right there and he was holding that firework very close to some of the audience members. He should be more careful. EVPW can’t afford a lawsuit right now.

Ray: I’m going to ignore everything you just said.

JP: That’s what I usually do with most things you say.

Mister Bodacious shakes himself down and puts his near death experience to the back of his head. He strides a few more steps forward to reveal his Bodacious attire. The Superstar is garbed in a bright orange jacket and bright crimson trousers. Mister Bodacious proudly struts, eagerly pointing at his shoes which are a horrendous mix of the previous hues and the entire display is garish. Mister Bodacious however disregards the audience reaction as he happily walks up the ring steps. Draped over the man’s shoulder sits his most prized possession, The Everything Championship. The title looks especially regal atop his shoulder, the cardboard giving off a stupendous champion-worthy gleam. Across the face of the title a crude eagle has been drawn with a marker pen. In a darker shade the name of the championship and the title holder’s name are clearly visible.

The Maniac superstar finally enters the ring and he stands in the centre of the squared circle, basking in the adoration of his fans. In reality, Mister Bodacious is met with stony silence but to the Bodacious One the roof of the arena can barely be contained by the onslaught of thousands of rabid and curiously sexy fans all chanting his name. He signals for a microphone and one is quickly passed to him. He adjusts the position of his prized championship into a more comfortable position on his shoulder before raising the microphone to speak.

Mister Bodacious: Well, it’s great to be back in an EVPW ring. It’s been a long time but this place is like a home away from home away from a motel. But I have something important to talk about that needs to be said. This is about a person I have no respect for in so many ways. They are vicious and cruel and have no skill inside a wrestling ring. The most important though is that this person embodies everything that is not Bodacity. This person is the Anti-Bodacious, the epitome of everything wrong and boring in this business. I am of course referring to Envy.

Mister Bodacious pauses in his diatribe for a moment. He lets his words sink in, knowing that the crowd is too stunned to react and that they are now all in awe of his testicular fortitude. He smiles cockily, lowering the microphone and shrugging his shoulders theatrically. His grin gets ever wider as a thought passes through his mind.

Mister Bodacious: I’m talking to Envy now as well as all of my fans who came here to see me. I came out here to deliver this tirade because she needs to know what everyone thinks about her. She is a loser. She bullied and intimidated her a way to a title shot and won by some miracle. But of course, the first real opponent she comes up against she dominated the match but still ended up losing. And of course the reason for this is because she’s not as good as she thinks she is. She’s a second rate talent at best and she would never have been able to hold onto the Decimation Championship.

Now I on the other hand am a stark contrast to that pale and shabby lady of the eve. I am the Everything Champion. Every world title, every intercontinental belt, every regional championship and every division title all rolled into the most prestigious championship of all time. And I am the Everything Champion. Nobody can come close to my talent and this little she-devil can just crawl under whatever rock she came from.

Mister Bodacious lowers the microphone and his cocky grin turns into a full blown manic smile. He begins pumping up the crowd by raising his hands into the air several times. The only noise in the arena is the awkward squeak of his shoes against the ring canvas and the clearing of JP’s throat. The Bodacious One however sees none of this and he resumes his dance for a couple of minutes before turning and facing the entrance ramp to see if his words incited a reaction.

TBCB Envy

[Envy]

Suddenly the energy of the sparsely occupied building surges like a wild fire as a familiar tune begins to play through the speaker system, the fans hiss and boo in preparation for the hated New Zealander's arrival. The man of ultimate bodacity clutches his fists and bites his lower lip as a positively ecstatic grin struggles to make its way onto his face. It appears as if he may burst from his very skin at any moment as he imagines the pure bodaciousness that these silly mortals are about to witness. He thrusts his fists into the air and the imagined deafening screams of his fans bring tears to the corners of his peepers.


"I watched you change,

into a fly

I looked away,

you were on fiirree.”


“I watched a change in you

It's like you never had wings

Now you feel so alive

I've watched you change-“


The titan tron flickers to life and immediately begins sifting through clips of The Covetous Cunt in action; decimating EVPW’s self proclaimed princess Wolverina, her bosom buddy Bella Morte, the insidious Chris Pyro, destroying Helena Ring, ruining Ethan Hawke and last but not least having her way with Big Jim. One after another, images of gruesome battles where time and again The Queen of Mean has reigned supreme flash before the eyes of onlookers; a reminder of what The Tyrannical Twat is capable of.

The onxy curtain is torn asunder and the emerald haired diva struts out of its open mouth with an egotistical grin painted on her visage. She is clad in her usual attire; a black leotard with a mean face on it, thigh high wrestling boots, and her luxuriant green tresses cascading down her back. The spectators double their efforts, hissing like a massive herd of angry alley cats, and causing the smirk on her china doll face to widen. The Covetous Cunt offers the fans a retort to their heckling in the form of two middle fingers like powerful pillars of fuckall thrust high into the air. Upon satiating her hunger for attention, the sinful siren bursts into a fit of laughter, clutching her ribs and practically falling to her knees as she cackles.


Ray: "Oh em Gee-sa JP! It's my giiiirrl Envy! Here to put this fool back in his place! There is a god and he is FABULOUS! No way I could jump on board with pretending Mister Bodacious has even a thimble full of talent!"


JP: "What are you talking about Ray? He's literally... the champion of EVERYTHING. Nobody has more talent than the Bodacious one!"


Ray: "I can't even...." the color commentator puckers his lips disapprovingly and picks up his touch screen phone to immediately update his status about JP's stupidity and deplorable fashion choices.


“I took you home

Set you on the glass

I pulled off your wings

Then I laughed.”


Finally she manages to smother her giggling and she brings the mic up to her lips, "Is this a joke? It has to be."


Mister Bodacious doesn't seem to hear her derisive comment, instead taking the opportunity as all eyes are on him, to flex and point to his six pack abs... That is the six rows of the word 'six pack' he has written in sharpie on his abdomen. This only seems to further astonish and confuse the New Zealand Terror, "look here you cackhanded dag! Why don't you snap your fuckin' cock pocket shut before somebody fills it for ya nancy boy! I have no idea who ya are ya silly twat! Your name means nothing to me and fighting somebody as weak as yourself just isn't fair, it's immoral even, and a complete waste of my time. You've no title to speak of, you're no challenge to be overcome, and I've nothing to gain by defeating you aside from the satisfaction of destroying an irritating fly."


Captain Bodacity's mouth falls open in stupefaction at Envy's obliviousness to the indisputable awesomeness of the Everything Champion. He throws his hands into the air and looks around the arena as if searching for confirmation from the spectators that she was saying what she was saying, "you must be unwell... or living under a rock. I am the EVERYTHING Champion. Clearly you've become infatuated with me and are merely bitter that I am far too bodacious for the likes of you."


Envy begins to saunter toward the stage, snapping her fingers and causing the sharp utterance to ripple through the room like the after effects of a stone on water. The curtain moves aside once more and Maxwell jumps forward in a Captain Kirk uniform, his fingers pressed together in the shape of a gun as he clumsily chases after Envy Mission Impossible style.


"Barrell roll!" he shouts enthusiastically as he rolls into place at Envy's side and the verdant vixen stops in front of the ring, smiling up at Mister Bodacious, "no... pissheads like you... " she rests her hand on the Silverhammer's head, her pointer finger tapping on his forehead impatiently, and causing The Next Generation to blink in pain to the rhythm of the beat, "should stick to the special olympics. But! Since EVPW is an equal opportunity federation I must share my glorious stage with ridiculous jokes such as yourself... and my little friend here."


Ray: "Ahmen sister! EVPW is for true rippling athletes! Not loser nerds like Mister Bodacious and Maxwell Stupidham!"


JP: "Stupidham? I think these two bring a level of lightheartedness to the federation that helps to create a well rounded fed. Envy is a disgusting human being with questionable morals. Also, gotta love the enthusiasm!"


Ray: "I hate you."


The Next Generation's head tilts to the side and his features contort momentarily in offense before quickly fading into determination when Envy shoves him unceremoniously forward into the ropes, indicating he should make way for her entrance. Maxwell immediately does as he has been directed, bowing his head least she feel the need to slap him for making eye contact, and she slides between the ropes before fluidly returning to a vertical base to stare down at her inferrior, "but you did peak my interest,'' she closes the space between them, "unfortunately I am a creature of pride and I don't appreciate people making false claims. Did somebody put you up to this?" her finger lurches forward to stroke his cardboard belt, causing Mister Bodacious to gasp and jump back with lighting like speed.


"Trying to use my own move against me! Fool!"


".... What?" Envy looks genuinely confused and Maxwell shares in the bodacious one's shocked expression, evidently in awe of his new allies ability to master another's wrestling move so quickly.

TBCB Mister Bodacious

[Rhaps]

The crowd seem to be solidly behind Envy but Mr Bodacious still hears the roar of a thousand voices in his head, all chanting his name. The whimsical superstar smiles and begins pacing in the centre of the ring, the dangerous diva’s eyes locked on him the entire time. He makes a show out of thinking about what he is going to reply, hoping to choose the best language to get under Envy’s skin. Finally, an idea strike the Bodacious One and he holds a finger aloft theatrically before raising the microphone to his lips.

Mister Bodacious: This is one hundred percent serious Envy. Nobody had to put the Bodacious One up to this; this is something he is doing for himself. Just like everything else I’ve done. Humorous wordplay eh?

Mister Bodacious winks at the Covetous Cunt, who merely burns a hole right through him. Her arms are crossed tightly across this chest as if she was stopping every fibre of her being from beating the hell out of this man rather than listen to anything he had to say. Mister Bodacious clearly isn’t through as he puts the microphone up to his mouth once more.

Mister Bodacious: The reason I called you out here was to deliver some hard truths to you. You see, not everyone can be championship material, let alone on my level. And your match against Rhaps proved why. He let you dominate that match because Rhaps knew how to get to you. He made you think you were unstoppable and then finished you off with a cheap roll up. Had Rhaps been fighting like normal, you would have been destroyed. Now I on the other hand am undefeated in EVPW and in fact, everything I’ve ever competed in. That includes Animal Gynaecology by the way. Don’t feel bad Envy, not everyone can be a champion.

With that Mister Bodacious raises the Everything Championship above his head triumphantly. His face is nothing but a mask of smugness as he openly mocks the Covetous Cunt. Envy remains rooted to the spot, her features giving nothing away in terms of an emotional reaction. Mister Bodacious hops excitedly as another idea occurs to him.

Mister Bodacious: Before you go crying to your locker room Envy I want to lay down some beats for you in a battle. I’ll go first.

This is Mister Bodacious up in your grill,
You should stand back; you can’t take the thrill,
Of maxin’ relaxin’ and bein’ all cool,
Now I’ll take your punk arse to school.

You went from the top,
The Queen of the hill,
Now you’re as welcome,
As the morning after pill.

You can’t match my wit or puns,
Oops somebody set your brains on stun,
Mister Bodacious bringing the sounds of the street,
Let’s go two more rounds for a three-peat.

Mister Bodacious raises his hands both sides and basks in the adoration of the fans. His manic grin gets ever wider as he circles the canvas holding the pose. After a good long while the brain cells coalesce into a clear thought and he turns to face Envy. The Bodacious one appears more composed but the idiotic grin is still plastered all over his features.

Mister Bodacious: That’s right Envy. That’s the way this battle is going to be. After all, you’re no good against Rhaps.

Mister Bodacious drops the microphone. An audible clang is heard simultaneously around the stadium. The Manic Superstar pounds his chest proudly, almost egging Envy on.

TBCB Envy

[Envy]

"Rhaps?” The name alone is enough to set the verdant vixen ablaze, a shadow that had been lingering in the back of her mind throughout this altercation jumps forward to show it's offensive face. Her green orbs narrow and sparkle furiously as her muscles tense, bending slightly at the knee like a lioness preparing to pounce, and the Tyrannical Twat spontaneously springs for the Bodacious One with her claws hungrily outstretched for his neck. Mister Bodacious howls like an injured dog, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head as instinct takes over and the Everything Champion gets out of dodge as fast as his legs can carry him.

Ray: "He's a coward! Making a mockery of the sport!"

Jp: "You're not exactly what I would call a sports fan Ray..."

Ray: "I am always ready to cheer on the sexy line up of EVPW's elite. Never doubt my dedication to Vladdykins and Big Sexy. I would kill for them JP. Kiiilll."

The endless well of bodacity easily pivots out of Envy's line of attack, ducking under her arms and immediately throwing his hands up into the air to greet the uproarious cheers of the audience only he can here. The Covetous Cunt slams her fists angrily into the mat and screams to release the overwhelming hatred boiling over inside of her like a bubbling pot. The male wrestler sees her momentary blunder as an utter victory and takes the opportunity to climb the turnbuckle to properly bask in the glory of yet another triumph, “Envy is a second rate talent and she will never be greater than Mr Bodacious! Rhaps whipped the shit out of her like the sluttorn she is and now I have done the same!”

Ray: "A little early for gloating, don't you agree JP?"

JP: "Well, he's obviously got speed over Envy, best thing a guy like Mister Bodacious can do is out maneuver and tire the New Zealand Terror out."

Envy brings his celebration to an unceremonious and abrupt close, grabbing him by the ankle to jerk him down. Mister Bodacious falls face first into the corner post, causing pain to explode in his face and blood to trickle from his nostrils. Mister Bodacious releases an animalistic screech of pain and cups his nose whilst shaking his head as if to ward of the agony. His feet connect with the ground and he makes an attempt to run, but Envy immediately brings his retreat to a halt by grabbing a handful of his hair and bashing his macabre visage into the turnbuckle another two times, “this is what happens when pansy fuckwhits talk out of their arses!”

Ray: "Yeeeeaaahh! My girl is kickin' ass now! Time to take out the trash!"

JP: "A cheap move if you ask me!"

The New Zealand Terror whirls him around with his mane firmly gripped in her hand and flings Mister Bodacious forcefully toward the ropes. The delusional man collides with the elastic border and rebounds, but when he sees The Covetous Cunt standing at the ready fear once again takes the wheel and Mister Bodacious swerves out of danger, running to the opposite end of the ring whilst screaming, “noooooooo!!!!”

Envy is only further annoyed by this ridiculous display, chasing after the fool with her features set in a vicious stare. Unfortunately she trips unexpectedly over Maxwell who had decided to try and secretly crawl up on the Bodacious One. The diva goes flying through the air and collides with her target, sending them both tumbling over the ropes near the commentator's table and onto the hard ground outside of the ring. The Tyrannical twat erupts into a series of choice expletives whilst growling and situating herself on top of Mister Bodacious.

JP: "Maxwell proving to be more of a hindrance than an aid to his partner Envy."

Ray: "That's an understatement Jimmy. He's a moron."

“Surrounded by fucking clowns, this place is a god damn circus!” The verdant vixen cocks her fist back and she punches him in one cheek and then the other. The Bodacious One grunts audibly as his head jerks to the side from the blow, the whisper of laughter starting to trickle from his mouth, and it quickly escalates into insane laughter, “what the fuck is wrong with you, you queer cunt!?!”

“Had enough?” Mister Bodacious coughs and shifts uncomfortably beneath Envy, but refuses to accept the reality of his current perdicament, “the Everything Champion is humble enough to show mercy to an inferior opponent.”

“Oh my fuckin' God!” she jerks herself to an upright position, both of her talons coiling around the bloodied man of immeasurable bodacity's throat and separating him from the ground in a show of immense power. The Tyrannical Twat gives the commentators a warning glare, jerking her head to the side to indicate they should evacuate their seats immediately before taking two giant steps toward the table and slamming Mister Bodacious down with all of her might. She kisses her pointer finger and middle finger and presses them against his forehead before turning on her heels to head back to the squared circle.

Envy slides under the ropes, smacks Silverhammer upside the back of his head and scoops up the mic, "let this be a lessen to any other cunts out there looking to tangle with me. Don't bite off more than you can chew, because I'm more woman than any of these pissheads can handle."

Ray: "Oh myyyy."

TBCB Mister Bodacious or EOT

[Rhaps]

Mister Bodacious lies supine in a heap in the shredded remains of the announce table whilst Envy scowls at the audience. Her lackey Maxwell Silverhammer dances about idiotically. The hyper minion bounces around the canvas for a few more seconds before walking to the ropes and pointing at Mister Bodacious’ broken form and laughs. The Tyrannical Twat hasn’t moved, merely content to stand in the centre of the squared circle and stare menacingly; as if issuing a challenge to anybody else who is foolish enough to try their luck against her.

A few more moments pass before the Kiwi Krusher has decided she has made her point. She begins retreating to the ring ropes to make her exit when the lights in the arena suddenly go dark. Envy stops dead in her tracks and Maxwell freezes. The murmurs of the crowd can be heard in the darkness and, save for the occasional flash of a hopeful photographer, everything in the arena is pitch black. Abruptly Rhaps’ entrance music begins playing. A shiver of hatred runs up Envy’s spine and she takes up an aggressive stance as she faces the ring ramp. She throws up her hands; eager and more than ready for a fight.

JP: What is going to happen now? Tonight has already been a crazy evening and now the stab happy maniac is on his way out now.

Ray: Oh my God, it’s happening. The sexiest man in EVPW with a knife is coming out to do just what he does best and that is destroy. And capture my heart that is.

JP: Capture your heart? You’re a strange man Ray.

The lights are still turned off as Rhaps’ entrance music thunders about the building. In spite of this there is still no sign of the Englishman and Envy begins to get wary. She casts her head about this way and that but her sharpened senses don’t detect any signs of the Beast Unleashed. The Covetous Cunt is unwilling to drop her guard so she barks a command at the cowardly Maxwell. He shakes his head vigorously but Envy pays him no heed. Eventually Silverhammer works up the courage to exit the ring and begin scouting for Envy’s nemesis.

Abruptly Envy feels something touching her leg. At that moment the lights go on and the music is instantly cut whilst the Covetous Cunt snarls in response. To her surprise Mister Bodacious has made it back into the gladiatorial arena and is lying on the mat behind her, one hand on each of her thighs and pulling desperately as he attempts a roll up pin. The New Zealander shakes her head incredulously before stomping on the Bodacious One’s head. He immediately grasps his head and writhes about on the canvas, howling wildly.

JP: Mister Bodacious tried to intimidate Envy with that fake Rhaps entrance in order to try and get a roll up pin on her but that didn’t go too well. A for effort but definitely a fail on the execution.

Ray: This man is a joke. Why is he even allowed in EVPW? I just wish Envy beats the hell out of him and leaves him in a coma.

TBCB Envy

[Envy]

It isn't clear to Envy which part of this current juncture irritated her more; the fact that she had felt a genuine tingling of anticipation at the familiar sound of the Rhapsitastic One's entrance music or the mind numbing resilience of Mister Bodacious. The Tyrannical Twat had never loathed anything or anyone more than she currently hated Mister Bodacious. Could he truly be so ridiculously insane to imagine himself on the same playing field as Rhaps or Envy? She will destroy them both, there is no other option, and she will prove herself as the true powerhouse of EVPW. The verdant vixen follows after him with an annoyed growl, her emerald orbs blazing, stomping on his legs and abdomen as she goes, “I will crush you, you little cockroach!”

Ray: "I cannot be-liieevee he would falsely advertise the arrival of the sexiest man alive! I hope Envy puts him in a damn coma!"

JP: "That's a little much.. Don't you think?"

Ray: "My love for the Canterbury Carver is no joke Jimmy. We of the Rhaps fan club take our love of the SIC maniac very seriously. Deathly," the color commentator gravely drags his pointer finger across his neck.

“And like the cockroach I shall prevail! Nay!-ugh-I shall-ack!- not be defeated by a h-ack such as your-nooooo!” Envy bends down and grabs a hold of Mister bodacious, raising him above her head like a barbel with much effort due to his terrified squirming, “release me vile harpy!!”

Envy smirks menacingly before obliging her play thing's request, throwing his legs out behind her and using the momentum to to bring him down toward the mat in a beautifully executed stunner. The Man of Immeasurable Bodacity sees stars swirling around his head and has little time to offer any resistence as Envy suddenly brings her boot down on his face. The Covetous Cunt rubs the sole of her shoe into his face, then stampedes toward the elastic arms of the ring and rebounds off of the ropes to deliver a running low-angle leg dropkick. She then slides herself into position so that she is straddling Mister Bodacious, “what were you saying?”

JP: "One trademark move right into another, Envy is absolutely decimating Mister Bodacious!"

Ray: "Yesssss!"

“Undefeated-” Mister Bodacious thrusts his hands into the air in a very confusing celebration of his numerous imaginary accomplishments and accidentally clips the diva in the mouth, “ouchie!” Envy roars angrily, her head jerking back out of instinct, but any sense of triumph is quickly extinguished when he gazes upon her face contorted in pure rage just as she centers her gaze upon him once more. Her fists fly forward, smashing into his nose and mouth, and causing a fresh flow of blood, “that's it you little prick!” she leans forward, reaching over his head and temporarily smothering him with her breasts, and grabs a hold of the Everything Championship belt. Envy reaches into the front of her leotard and retrieves a lighter from her bra, snickering as an expression of realization and then horror appear on the Bodacious One's face. The vicious vixen lights the cardboard joke on fire, cackling wickedly as it is engulfed, and tossing the blazing trinket onto the chest and neck of Mister Bodacious. The Covetous Cunt hastily dismount before the flames can lick her smooth skin and she spits on the foolish male wrestler before spinning on her heels, grabbing Maxwell by the back of the neck, and guiding him out of the arena whilst Mister Bodacious struggles to put out the fire on his chest, "do not! Fuck with me again you silly little dag!"

Ray: “Envy certainly knows how to make an exit!”

EOT