Kahlan vs. Agent Shadow

[Chris Pyro]

As the fans in Manilla continue chanting for their favourite EVPW superstars, the enigma of this whole crazy house steps to the middle of the ring as Jeff Young goes to lift the mic to his mouth. Before he has a chance to say a word, a different voice comes over the PA System, as a spotlight shines into the crowd and Chris Pyro can be seen.

Pyro:
Don't you say a fucking word. I have no interest in this shit, so for my guys entrance at least, I will be doing the announcing.

Pyro jumps the rail and steps in the ring, grabbing Young by the collar of his shirt and violently tossing him out of the ring. Pyro signals for the music to start as Taking a Stand (Metal Cover) begins to play.

Pyro:
The following contest is a 30 minute Iron Man Match where pinfalls only count in the ring. There are no DQ's, no count outs. Coming to the ring first, from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. He weighs in at two hundred and forty five pounds. He is representing Project Rebirth. He is, Agent Shadow!

On cue, Agent Shadow can be seen in the crowd, flanked by fellow Project Rebirth members former CSIS agent Chloe "Skie" Reinhardt, and Canadian Army Captain Steve Rumlow, they make their way through the audience, ignoring fans as they march. They quickly make it to ring side all three climb the ring steps, as Pyro opens the ropes. His soldiers make their way into the ring and take up one of the corners, as they await Kahlan.

[Slut (✿ ◕‿◕)]

I THINK YOUR HUSBAND KNOWS ME…

Intimately



Immediately, to the utmost pleasure of the most crooked Manila’s attendants, Kahlan slips out from behind the veil. Her recently beefed up physic, producing a rather curvaceous figure is further pronounced in her Union Jack wrestling Singlet. Her crimson sneakers highlight her every stride as she marches down without hesitation.

“Hailing from North East of England, Newcastle, weighting at a one-hundred-and-sixty-two-pounds…” Mr Young hesitates unequivocally. The silence stretches out to an uncomfortable amount of time before, “um, the Rated R SUUUUUUPEEERRRR SLUT! KaHLaN!”

Kahlan pulls a halt on cue and turns to her left grabbing a fistful of a cheering Philippine’s collar dragging him waist over the railings and plants a slurping kiss on his thin lipped mouth. The smooch drags on for the best part of a minute before it breaks away almost as soon as it happened. The tiny Asian man’s drenched grin gets wrecked in with a fist from the woman next to him. As he goes down and a tiny riot sparkles within the immediate vicinity, the crew guards pull Kahaln away from the grasping hands and push her off towards the ring.

MD: Alright, hold my Mountain Dew!
Oliveira: Sit down Dragon! We have a fucking job at hand here.
MD: BUT-
Commonwealth: -I fucking hate China!
Oliveira: For the thousand’s time, we’re in Philippines Bryan!
Commonwealth: Are you trying to educate me Matt? Do I need to remind you that I have a degree-


Dragon eyes the ring as Jeff Young slips out of its confines with the rest of the Pyro crew and sits back down.

MD: Guys, where is Afghanistan?

TBCB Pyro

[Slut (✿ ◕‿◕)]

As the bell chimes thrice the duet take steps to the side in a synchronised manner, tangoing into a spiral of movement before they come at a lock, horn to horn. Their arms interweaved in clasps of necks and shoulders it quickly becomes a contest in strength and soon it becomes clear that there is only one winner. Shadow drives forward until the turnbuckles at a corner give Kahlan enough aid to stop him. This however doesn’t stop Shadow from embarking upon an endeavour to rip his opponent’s neck with a “plastic” arm, roughly placed under the chin.

Wincing in dismay Kahlan grabs the offending arm around the wrist. Her efforts to remove the pressure seem futile. Lucky for her the referee seems displeased with the nature of aggression on display and tries to assert his control early on by getting in close to Shadow and berate him about some rule. Undeterred, Shadow obviously choses to ignore the threats from the ref but the event provides enough distraction for Kahlan to rake an eye. The pressure eases just enough for her to twist the arm away, subsequently wrapping his bicep with her other hand.

They come away from the corner with Kahlan pressing her advantage from behind Shadow, comfortably in control of his arm. Shadow proves he is as nimble as a ninja as he taps a hand over his shoulder and performs a standing summersault to release the pressure. The audience come alive with applause while Shadow pulls Kahlan back to himself through the arm she is still hanging onto. He envelops her in a sleeper like head-lock, fully utilizing his height advantage.

Kahlan’s foot stomp is immediate as she elbows her way free. Her turn to face her opponent is accompanied with a swift kick to the lower abdomen, doubling Shadow over and getting a hold of things with a tight frontal head-lock. Her grin is momentarily sweeping the rows of hooting Asians. Her opponent wriggles a small struggle trying to pull his head away from its place, glued to Kahlan’s right hip. She drops herself down to the canvas, corkscrewing her way with the man she is holding, intent on snapping his neck.

Oliveira: That looked nasty! The pace is quick and the fans seem to be appreciating it very much.
Commonwealth: They’re easily excitable. I wonder if it really is the match or those suspicious looking doughnuts that were circulating around the place a few minutes ago. Talk about promoting a product. How did Hyper Elf become a millionaire anyway?
MD: I’ve read it somewhere when you’re high you come up with a lot of brilliant plans. He was always high.
Commonwealth: I didn’t know you read.
MD: Of course I read! I have one of the best playboy magazine collections in the entire country! You know, I even have a copy of the very first one ever published.
Commonwealth: I'm glad to hear you try to keep yourself educated.

The impact is fierce. That doesn’t stop either from springing back up to their feet. The winner by a split second is Kahlan and she pounces like a wild cat, literally. Shadow catches her around the waist flying in. Surprise evident from her round eyes, Kahlan claws and scratches at the masked face buried in her bosoms. Shadow remains unfazed by the assault and boosts the girl up, her thighs on each of his shoulders. His hands fondle around the sides for a better grasp of the struggling Slut.

Kahlan allows herself to drop back, pulling away from the intruding hands and adding momentum while locking her thighs snugly around the head. The motion lifts Shadow off into a smooth travelling arc, landing him flat onto his back. Saddled over the Agent’s face, Kahlan too promiscuous to pass an opportunity such as the one as it has presented itself, reverently shut her eyes and gently gyrate her hips around. This ignites another rouse within the intensely packed arena. Her indecent pleasure doesn’t last long. Shadow throws her off a short stretch away, rising back to the challenge at hand. He reaches Kahlan before she is fully standing. He whips her facing away and hooks her arms behind her back through the crook of her elbows. As easy as picking chicken wings out of a bucket, James Ward picks Kahlan up and down they go together, Him on his arse and she on her face. He follows the ring quaking drop with a pin fall and lo and behold-

Oliveira: - three! Shadow scores the first pin fall!
Commonwealth: Well, I’m not too surprised. Any fat, dumb and uneducated commoner would’ve seen this coming from a mile away. A wrestling contest between an ex-military man against a harlot and people ask me why I retired so early.
MD: Why did you retire so early?
Commonwealth: I got a girlfriend.
MD: But we were scoring a whole legion of them while we were in business.
Commonwealth: For the fellow known as the man of Golden Words, you sure as hell don’t seem to understand simple sarcasm.
MD: Wait just a minute…

Outside the ring Pyro and his buddy clap their hands in enthusiastic appreciation and shout their congratulations to their Agent. Kahlan crawls up alongside the ropes, physically shaken having lifted her shoulder up a second too late. She still looks dazed when she realises Shadow is running at her attempting a Spear. Before she can bring herself to react, her foot slips and faith helps her dodge a bullet as it shots through the ropes. She recovers her footing and throws a glance over to watch Rumlow patting Shadow on the back and assisting him to stand. She shrugs her shoulders and dives over, springing off the top rope.

The crash takes all three down into a mess of entangled limbs. Pyro strides over to survey the scene. He offers a hand and helps Shadow up while Rumlow scurries away. The two of them put their backs into picking up and rolling Kahlan back into the ring. Shadow begins to climb the steps after her at Pyro's animated command. Once inside he walks over and goes down for a fist full of blue locks. Kahlan bursts alive to pull Shadow deep into her trap. She latches into his extended arm and drags him down to the canvas. She uses the momentum of the toppling fellow to tuck his head under, wrapping him within her willing legs.

Oliveira: Nothing like a good old English Tea Bag! Or at least what we keep on hearing from our dear British friends.
MD: Is that why their teeth are so fucked up?
Commonwealth: No it’s the sugar.
MD: Who needs sugar when you have beer!?
Commonwealth: Also has sugar.
MD: …

Shadow struggles, and keeps on struggling. All to no avail as the Tea Bag Choke is completely locked in. So he does the only sensible thing a man in his position would do and that is to tap the fuck out. The notion aggravates Pyro on the side line, he starts climbing the ring but is soon met with the referee, face to face they start their heated discussion as to why it was all just pure horse shit. Away from them, Shadow and Kahlan pull away from each other as they lick their wounds and contemplate how to score the winning point.

tbc