Post by Slut (✿ ◕‿◕) on Sept 11, 2015 13:04:52 GMT -4
The fans settle back into their seats after being out of them for most of the first bout, which saw Jack Tracks go all out against the much talked about but not really hyped Mystery Opponent. None the less, the match rocked, but nothing like the coming one will. The Honor-tron flickers to life, drawing the attention of all as it airs a hype-promo of the saga between Kahlan and Wolverina. The video package goes back three years, to where it all began, with Kahlan standing over Haven with her foot upon her chest while the referee counts the one-two-three. From there it travels to TIW, the Last Woman Standing Match, where again we see the Ladder Queen victorious over an unconcious Wolverina, this time with her straddled over the Nebraskan with arms outstretched, mocking her famous pose as the ref shouts "TEN" and signals for the bell. As the music to the video cranks up more, the action does to, speeding through the other contests between the two women which sees Kahlan emerging triumphant by hook or crook each time, until finally it culminates with the skull shattering chair shot and Dreamer's three count just days ago, which gave Kahlan the win and Television Title. Then it suddenly ends, and for a scant few moments there's nothing but silence until Coors takes center stage in the ring.
"G-H-Dubya, it is time!"
His line prompts a thunderous eruption from the crowd, a noise level so high that every nook and cranny of the building shakes and possibly registers on the richter scale. GHW's resident stoner boy can only smile and nod before continuing his duties.
"The following contest is for the GHW Television Championship, and will be fought in the confines of HELL IN A CELL!!!!!!!! In addition to the cell, the following stipulations have been added. If Fuck me in the ass, Wolverina must become her personal servant, her BITCH for all eternity. However, if Wolverina wins, Kahlan will be stripped of her New Age Title shot and said shot shall be awarded to Wolverina. If anybody interferes on either combatants behalf, they along with the competitor they aided shall be terminated immediately and never allowed to compete in GHW again. "
Again the ovation from GHW's loyal clientele is ungodly loud, and to egg them on the demonic structure begins to lower dramatically, ushering in a whole new level of eardrum destroying cheers if that were possible.
"YES! YES! YES! Here we go. Hell in a Cell! Wolverina vs Kahlan. The War of Wars! I've got goosebumbs all over, and not just from the match itself, but for the fact we will finally get to see Kahlan get what's coming to her. A much needed beating!"
"You seem awfully chipper about all of that, given the fact that we just saw a video package of nothing but Kahlan defeating, destroying, basically all out dominating Wolverina at every turn. Nobody cares about the 'hows' all they care about is who won. And so far it's been Kahlan all the way!"
"If I may interject here, guys, let's not overlook what the video package didn't show, which is the legendary battles these two women fought against other opponents. They have literally done it all. They've won the majority of their matches. They've won titles galore. They've created memorable moments. They've captured the hearts and minds of each and every one of us, including your lovable Genius here. It's a rarity in the realm of women's wrestling that we get to see the two very best, most dominant females in an entire industry battle it out on this grand a stage, and for a championship none the less. But here we are at Total Carnage and it is about to happen. Only in GHW!"
Matt's voice trails off as the cruel steel playground of pain comes to a stop and is set in place. The commentary crew remain in a silent awe as they, as well as the fans, linger in the moment. Then, just like that, Coors' voice snaps them back to life.
"Innnnnnnnnnnntroducing first....!!!"
The spectators go absolutely ballistic with an out pouring of love as "Kick in the Teeth" starts up, heralding the arrival of the most polarizing female in wrestling history.
After a few drama building moments the Queen of Queens steps forth before her masses, dressed not in her usual American Gladiator attire, but in casual wear.
Also absent from her usual entrance is the briliant smile and super-energetic flow to the ring. Instead, the People's Princess remains at a stand-still atop the ramp, her brows furrowed downward in a very unlady-like, and quite ugly demeanor. Her lips are curled alright, but not in that lovable heart melting smile. No, they are curled in a manner that has cruel intentions etched all over them.
"Standing 5'8" tall and weighing in at 148 pounds. She hails from Blair, Nebraska, and is YOUR Princess.... WOLVERINA!"
With a single hiss of hatred the Champion of Divas slowly begins her trot to the ring and the hell that awaits inside. Her strides alone speak volumes of her mindset, which is clearly not for the faint of heart at this juncture. She passes by the outstretched hands of the cult-like following she has gathered over the years and runs her fingers along the diamond shaped mesh of steel, testing its integrity as she makes a full lap around the outside. Despite the People's Princess being in a different frame of mind, the fans love her all the more and shower her with praise. Then, at the door of the massive cage, Haven stops and stares inside with a very stoic expression, before taking a few steps back and shaking her head "No".
"Why isn't she entering? Why is she shaking her head no? I bet she's having second thoughts. I think it has just dawned on her that she has bitten off far more than she can chew."
"I don't know what's going on, but I hope she hasn't changed her mind. Although I would understand if she did. I mean, it's a freaking HELL IN A CELL for crissakes. Most men refuse to compete in it."
More drama builds as she stands un-moving for a few moments, but then a sudden burst of excitement ripples through the venue as she unleashes a mighty she-wolf howl and commences to power-climbing up the cage wall to the very top of the palace of steel.
"Oh God. Does she know what she's asking for by doing this? I'm all for violence, but this is where the lines begin to blur."
"I think Kahlan's antics have finally driven Wolfie over the edge. She did tell Jamie that she planned on doing things that would be criminal to Kahlan. I just didn't think it'd be murder or something! What if she throws our precious Television Champion off the top of the damn thing?"
"I want to see Kahlan go down as much as these fans do, but I don't agree with this method of doing it. Haven is going far beyond the norms here!"
Speaking of Kahlan, the big screen comes alive. The booing response drowns all sound for some few painful seconds, because Kahlan is in it lounging leisurely on a fancy couch sipping from a cup. She brings the cup down placing it on the saucer she had held under it with her other hand. While smiling brightly at the camera, Kahlan leans over and places the saucer and the cup on a small table to her right. The booing gets to subside down after the initial appearance, but suddenly a new wave of noise bursts forth. Pure cheering takes over. The dominant portion being high pitched screams of the female fans. All of this commotion is due to the fact that the King-of-the-Death-Match, Dustin Delta has graced the live scene. The Champion is dressed for battle and has his title draped over one shoulder. He is oddly holding the end of a Kendo stick and extends the other end in front of Kahlan. Curious, Kahlan starts to bring a hand up to take a hold.
“No! Don’t touch it!”
“Why?”
“Smell it.”
…
“AH! IT STINKS OF DRIED CRAP!”
“That’s exactly my point.”
Kahlan brings her hand up to rub her chin posing with her thoughtful expression.
“I don’t understand.”
“I paid Aj Scally a visit earlier in the night, you know to make him know he has no chance in a million years of pulling an upset or anything like that.”
“So?”
“I learned he didn’t understand proper English. He kept talking back in half sentences. I questioned him about grammar. He looked confused, so I had to stick him.”
Kahlan’s brows shoot up.
“Really?”
Dustin’s grin confirms everything she wanted to know.
“I know. He kept crying like a little bitch afterwards. Speaking of a bitch don’t you have a match right now? I mean I just saw Wolverina going out.”
“Meh, what’s the rush.”
Kahlan gets up from her couch, and then picks her title up from the same table with the cup on.
“Give me that.”
She receives the Kendo stick from Dustin and sets off out of the room.
Fuzz: What was all of that about?
Matt: It seems Scally’s been … I believe the correct term is … Carsonified.
Fuzz: …
Al: I’m glad we didn’t get to see it. I don’t like shower scenes.
Matt: …
Fuzz: …
Meanwhile inside the arena, Wolverina is still climbing the Cell. Her initial power climbing has deteriorated to a mellower, slower pace. She still has quite a few more feet to ascend to reach the top. Behind her the screen once again comes alive. All fired up kicks in for an all new record jeering explosion. You suck chants quickly catch on and empty water bottles plus other junk gets thrown towards the stage even before anyone appears from behind the curtains. Kahlan doesn’t walk out immediately either. Instead the Ladder Queen allows the hot crowd to calm down a little before she allows them the honour of her presence. The Television champion dressed in her vintage snakes and ladders’ outfit walks out from behind the veil. She is wearing her trademark black and yellow leather trousers, and her top is purely black with a phrase etched across the front under a cartoon figure of Kahlan pointing straight out. The message is clear: YOU’RE MY BITCH! The Television title of course is laid over her right shoulder, above the thin flimsy sleeveless vest she is sporting, adding extra glint to her rock star appearance. In her left hand, the Brit is carrying a Kendo stick and in her right she holds a microphone. She brings her right hand up.
“Haven you honestly believe that I, a far superior athlete inside a squared ring would risk my livelihood, my career, my title, my chance at humiliating you once again by climbing up after you just so I can beat you for the nine-hundredth time?”
Wolverina, almost reaching the very top of the steel cage stops to look back over her shoulder.
“You’re absolutely right! Boys! Bring out my baby!”
Fuzz: WHAT?
AL: OH YES! BRING OUT THE BABY!
Matt: OH BOY-
From behind Kahlan a man appears in casual outfit carrying the head of a ladder tucked under one of his arms. He marches out past Kahlan on the stage and still the end of the ladder doesn’t come into view.
Matt: -how long is this thing!
Eventually, to the astonishment of the entire audience the end of the ladder comes into view being carried by a second person in the same manner as the first man.
Matt: This thing is like three giant ladders! That has got to be the longest ladder I have ever seen in my life!
“That’s it boys, set it up there a little away from where my bitch-to-be is climbing. Make sure it’s a few feet off the actual cage so she can’t kick it off from up there. I’m sure I can manage a quick hop onto the top of the Cell with this giant baby. Oh by the way, how rude of me not to introduce my baby. Everyone say hello to LONGZILLA!”
Al: I KEW IT! SHE LIKES THEM LONG! LONGZILLA! YES! WIN!
Fuzz: This thing is huge! Look it’s actually longer than our thirty feet steel cage!
Matt: I always did wonder why Kahlan was called the Ladder Queen. The queen’s babe doesn’t seem to disappoint.
As the men retreat after setting up the LONGZILLA by Kahlan’s instructions, Wolverina finally reaches the top. She exerts one last burst of energy to drag her body over the edge and rolls over to her feet. Kahlan coughs with swagger to clear her throat.
“Now, we can do this in two ways. Option number one, you stay up there and I walk down this ramp, grab and tear a couple of these stupid signs in front reading this “I BELIEVE” crap and then climb up LONGZILLA jump over to the top of that cage, then use this nasty, already used Kendo stick to stick it into you-know-where like the little bitch you’re going to be for me. OR! Option number two, you come down from there and get into that cage like you’re supposed to, so I would walk down this ramp, grab and tear a couple of these stupid signs, ignore LONGZILLA and go straight into the cage where I would then still stick this nasty, already used Kendo stick up your you-know-where like the little bitch you’re going to be for me. The choice is yours, choose wisely.”
With that Kahlan drops her microphone.
Coors: And introducing her opponent, weighting in tonight at one-hundred-and-twenty-two-pounds, she is from North East of England, Newcastle. The Ladder Queen ladies and gentlemen, KAHLAN!
Matt: I know this coming from me is a surprise. But they call me the genius after the hardcore part for a reason. Wolverina better climb back down. They both have thoroughly crossed the line long ago so there is nothing that for one second would stop either of them throwing the other straight down. Someone could seriously get injured, worse end up dead here.
Al: You mean Wolverina by that, right Mattie? I MEAN LOOK AT LONGZILLA! Wolverina is tired from her climb, it will take Kahlan less than a third of the effort she put in to climb just as high and still be fresh enough to fight.
Fuzz: Listen to the fans Al. They believe! Tonight there is no way that Kahlan is going to walk out. This is where once and for all Wolverina would put an exclamation mark in front of all the doubters. I don’t think for one second that Wolverina is afraid to take the fight up there, as daunting as the prospect looks. She went up for a reason. Maybe for the first time ever someone is going to out manoeuvre that cunning blue haired chick from England.
"G-H-Dubya, it is time!"
His line prompts a thunderous eruption from the crowd, a noise level so high that every nook and cranny of the building shakes and possibly registers on the richter scale. GHW's resident stoner boy can only smile and nod before continuing his duties.
"The following contest is for the GHW Television Championship, and will be fought in the confines of HELL IN A CELL!!!!!!!! In addition to the cell, the following stipulations have been added. If Fuck me in the ass, Wolverina must become her personal servant, her BITCH for all eternity. However, if Wolverina wins, Kahlan will be stripped of her New Age Title shot and said shot shall be awarded to Wolverina. If anybody interferes on either combatants behalf, they along with the competitor they aided shall be terminated immediately and never allowed to compete in GHW again. "
Again the ovation from GHW's loyal clientele is ungodly loud, and to egg them on the demonic structure begins to lower dramatically, ushering in a whole new level of eardrum destroying cheers if that were possible.
"YES! YES! YES! Here we go. Hell in a Cell! Wolverina vs Kahlan. The War of Wars! I've got goosebumbs all over, and not just from the match itself, but for the fact we will finally get to see Kahlan get what's coming to her. A much needed beating!"
"You seem awfully chipper about all of that, given the fact that we just saw a video package of nothing but Kahlan defeating, destroying, basically all out dominating Wolverina at every turn. Nobody cares about the 'hows' all they care about is who won. And so far it's been Kahlan all the way!"
"If I may interject here, guys, let's not overlook what the video package didn't show, which is the legendary battles these two women fought against other opponents. They have literally done it all. They've won the majority of their matches. They've won titles galore. They've created memorable moments. They've captured the hearts and minds of each and every one of us, including your lovable Genius here. It's a rarity in the realm of women's wrestling that we get to see the two very best, most dominant females in an entire industry battle it out on this grand a stage, and for a championship none the less. But here we are at Total Carnage and it is about to happen. Only in GHW!"
Matt's voice trails off as the cruel steel playground of pain comes to a stop and is set in place. The commentary crew remain in a silent awe as they, as well as the fans, linger in the moment. Then, just like that, Coors' voice snaps them back to life.
"Innnnnnnnnnnntroducing first....!!!"
The spectators go absolutely ballistic with an out pouring of love as "Kick in the Teeth" starts up, heralding the arrival of the most polarizing female in wrestling history.
After a few drama building moments the Queen of Queens steps forth before her masses, dressed not in her usual American Gladiator attire, but in casual wear.
Also absent from her usual entrance is the briliant smile and super-energetic flow to the ring. Instead, the People's Princess remains at a stand-still atop the ramp, her brows furrowed downward in a very unlady-like, and quite ugly demeanor. Her lips are curled alright, but not in that lovable heart melting smile. No, they are curled in a manner that has cruel intentions etched all over them.
"Standing 5'8" tall and weighing in at 148 pounds. She hails from Blair, Nebraska, and is YOUR Princess.... WOLVERINA!"
With a single hiss of hatred the Champion of Divas slowly begins her trot to the ring and the hell that awaits inside. Her strides alone speak volumes of her mindset, which is clearly not for the faint of heart at this juncture. She passes by the outstretched hands of the cult-like following she has gathered over the years and runs her fingers along the diamond shaped mesh of steel, testing its integrity as she makes a full lap around the outside. Despite the People's Princess being in a different frame of mind, the fans love her all the more and shower her with praise. Then, at the door of the massive cage, Haven stops and stares inside with a very stoic expression, before taking a few steps back and shaking her head "No".
"Why isn't she entering? Why is she shaking her head no? I bet she's having second thoughts. I think it has just dawned on her that she has bitten off far more than she can chew."
"I don't know what's going on, but I hope she hasn't changed her mind. Although I would understand if she did. I mean, it's a freaking HELL IN A CELL for crissakes. Most men refuse to compete in it."
More drama builds as she stands un-moving for a few moments, but then a sudden burst of excitement ripples through the venue as she unleashes a mighty she-wolf howl and commences to power-climbing up the cage wall to the very top of the palace of steel.
"Oh God. Does she know what she's asking for by doing this? I'm all for violence, but this is where the lines begin to blur."
"I think Kahlan's antics have finally driven Wolfie over the edge. She did tell Jamie that she planned on doing things that would be criminal to Kahlan. I just didn't think it'd be murder or something! What if she throws our precious Television Champion off the top of the damn thing?"
"I want to see Kahlan go down as much as these fans do, but I don't agree with this method of doing it. Haven is going far beyond the norms here!"
Speaking of Kahlan, the big screen comes alive. The booing response drowns all sound for some few painful seconds, because Kahlan is in it lounging leisurely on a fancy couch sipping from a cup. She brings the cup down placing it on the saucer she had held under it with her other hand. While smiling brightly at the camera, Kahlan leans over and places the saucer and the cup on a small table to her right. The booing gets to subside down after the initial appearance, but suddenly a new wave of noise bursts forth. Pure cheering takes over. The dominant portion being high pitched screams of the female fans. All of this commotion is due to the fact that the King-of-the-Death-Match, Dustin Delta has graced the live scene. The Champion is dressed for battle and has his title draped over one shoulder. He is oddly holding the end of a Kendo stick and extends the other end in front of Kahlan. Curious, Kahlan starts to bring a hand up to take a hold.
“No! Don’t touch it!”
“Why?”
“Smell it.”
…
“AH! IT STINKS OF DRIED CRAP!”
“That’s exactly my point.”
Kahlan brings her hand up to rub her chin posing with her thoughtful expression.
“I don’t understand.”
“I paid Aj Scally a visit earlier in the night, you know to make him know he has no chance in a million years of pulling an upset or anything like that.”
“So?”
“I learned he didn’t understand proper English. He kept talking back in half sentences. I questioned him about grammar. He looked confused, so I had to stick him.”
Kahlan’s brows shoot up.
“Really?”
Dustin’s grin confirms everything she wanted to know.
“I know. He kept crying like a little bitch afterwards. Speaking of a bitch don’t you have a match right now? I mean I just saw Wolverina going out.”
“Meh, what’s the rush.”
Kahlan gets up from her couch, and then picks her title up from the same table with the cup on.
“Give me that.”
She receives the Kendo stick from Dustin and sets off out of the room.
Fuzz: What was all of that about?
Matt: It seems Scally’s been … I believe the correct term is … Carsonified.
Fuzz: …
Al: I’m glad we didn’t get to see it. I don’t like shower scenes.
Matt: …
Fuzz: …
Meanwhile inside the arena, Wolverina is still climbing the Cell. Her initial power climbing has deteriorated to a mellower, slower pace. She still has quite a few more feet to ascend to reach the top. Behind her the screen once again comes alive. All fired up kicks in for an all new record jeering explosion. You suck chants quickly catch on and empty water bottles plus other junk gets thrown towards the stage even before anyone appears from behind the curtains. Kahlan doesn’t walk out immediately either. Instead the Ladder Queen allows the hot crowd to calm down a little before she allows them the honour of her presence. The Television champion dressed in her vintage snakes and ladders’ outfit walks out from behind the veil. She is wearing her trademark black and yellow leather trousers, and her top is purely black with a phrase etched across the front under a cartoon figure of Kahlan pointing straight out. The message is clear: YOU’RE MY BITCH! The Television title of course is laid over her right shoulder, above the thin flimsy sleeveless vest she is sporting, adding extra glint to her rock star appearance. In her left hand, the Brit is carrying a Kendo stick and in her right she holds a microphone. She brings her right hand up.
“Haven you honestly believe that I, a far superior athlete inside a squared ring would risk my livelihood, my career, my title, my chance at humiliating you once again by climbing up after you just so I can beat you for the nine-hundredth time?”
Wolverina, almost reaching the very top of the steel cage stops to look back over her shoulder.
“You’re absolutely right! Boys! Bring out my baby!”
Fuzz: WHAT?
AL: OH YES! BRING OUT THE BABY!
Matt: OH BOY-
From behind Kahlan a man appears in casual outfit carrying the head of a ladder tucked under one of his arms. He marches out past Kahlan on the stage and still the end of the ladder doesn’t come into view.
Matt: -how long is this thing!
Eventually, to the astonishment of the entire audience the end of the ladder comes into view being carried by a second person in the same manner as the first man.
Matt: This thing is like three giant ladders! That has got to be the longest ladder I have ever seen in my life!
“That’s it boys, set it up there a little away from where my bitch-to-be is climbing. Make sure it’s a few feet off the actual cage so she can’t kick it off from up there. I’m sure I can manage a quick hop onto the top of the Cell with this giant baby. Oh by the way, how rude of me not to introduce my baby. Everyone say hello to LONGZILLA!”
Al: I KEW IT! SHE LIKES THEM LONG! LONGZILLA! YES! WIN!
Fuzz: This thing is huge! Look it’s actually longer than our thirty feet steel cage!
Matt: I always did wonder why Kahlan was called the Ladder Queen. The queen’s babe doesn’t seem to disappoint.
As the men retreat after setting up the LONGZILLA by Kahlan’s instructions, Wolverina finally reaches the top. She exerts one last burst of energy to drag her body over the edge and rolls over to her feet. Kahlan coughs with swagger to clear her throat.
“Now, we can do this in two ways. Option number one, you stay up there and I walk down this ramp, grab and tear a couple of these stupid signs in front reading this “I BELIEVE” crap and then climb up LONGZILLA jump over to the top of that cage, then use this nasty, already used Kendo stick to stick it into you-know-where like the little bitch you’re going to be for me. OR! Option number two, you come down from there and get into that cage like you’re supposed to, so I would walk down this ramp, grab and tear a couple of these stupid signs, ignore LONGZILLA and go straight into the cage where I would then still stick this nasty, already used Kendo stick up your you-know-where like the little bitch you’re going to be for me. The choice is yours, choose wisely.”
With that Kahlan drops her microphone.
Coors: And introducing her opponent, weighting in tonight at one-hundred-and-twenty-two-pounds, she is from North East of England, Newcastle. The Ladder Queen ladies and gentlemen, KAHLAN!
Matt: I know this coming from me is a surprise. But they call me the genius after the hardcore part for a reason. Wolverina better climb back down. They both have thoroughly crossed the line long ago so there is nothing that for one second would stop either of them throwing the other straight down. Someone could seriously get injured, worse end up dead here.
Al: You mean Wolverina by that, right Mattie? I MEAN LOOK AT LONGZILLA! Wolverina is tired from her climb, it will take Kahlan less than a third of the effort she put in to climb just as high and still be fresh enough to fight.
Fuzz: Listen to the fans Al. They believe! Tonight there is no way that Kahlan is going to walk out. This is where once and for all Wolverina would put an exclamation mark in front of all the doubters. I don’t think for one second that Wolverina is afraid to take the fight up there, as daunting as the prospect looks. She went up for a reason. Maybe for the first time ever someone is going to out manoeuvre that cunning blue haired chick from England.
