Fans Bring The Breakfast - TPK vs. Hyper Elf

[Vladimir Strife]

Due March 3rd by 6PM Pacific/9PM Eastern

[TPK/Acid]

As the EVPW crowd stirs, Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden hits, getting a decent pop from the fans. A few moments pass, before TPK emerges from behind the curtain atop his trusty donky Samson.

JP: Look Ray, it's Samson! I love Samson!

Ray: Oh, you would! I think he smells to high heaven, and TPK always has to park him right next to us.

JP: Well, how else is he supposed to help us call the match?

As the fans cheer them on, TPK and Samson continue their journey to the bottom of the ramp. Once they reach the end of the steel walkway, Samson instinctively heads for the announce table. TPK dismounts, and Samson takes a seat right next to his old pal JP. JP grins, pats Samson's head, and then puts a headset on him. Meanwhile TPK rolls into the ring, and leans against the ropes, psyching himself up for the coming match.

Ray: There is certainly an odd array of weapons here.

JP: I'm certain Hyper and TPK wouldn't want it any other way.

Samson: EEEEH AAAAAH!

TBC

(Sorry for no color, on cellphone)

[Hyperelf]

There was only a moment of silence before "Never Gonna Stop" by Rob Zombie blasts over the PA. The 3,000 in attendance cheer once again for their favorite donut hero, Hyperelf. As he comes out of the curtains, hyped up as always. Wearing his usual outfit of blue and green tights, and trench coat. He sprints down the ramp and slides into the ring with ease.

Ray: I feel like we've seen this match before.

JP: Oh come on, TPK and Hyperelf always put out amazing highly technical matches. What do you think, Samson?

Samson: EEEEH AAAAH!

Hyperelf, now posing around along each turnubuckle, is interrupted by the lovely announcer, Lizzie Morna, in her old school smoking hot red dress.

Lizzie: And it looks like we have a last minute special guest referee in this match.

TPK and Hyper look confused, but continue to look focused and ready for their super serious match of matches.
When suddenly, a loud snarl is heard from backstage.

Lizzie: Give a big ol' Old School welcome to, HONEY!

JP: Things are starting to get interesting.

Ray: I don't know if I would like a big furry animal in the ring.

An enormous brown grizzly bear appears through the curtains with two stagehands leading her along down the ramp. She seems rather tamed at the moment, as if she has taken a few tranquilizers. They stagehands unhook a couple of the ropes, so the bear covered in black and white painted stripes, could get in the ring. She wanders into the middle of the ring between Hyper and TPK before falling asleep.

The bell sounds for the beginning of the match.

TBC

(Was kinda in a hurry. Haha)

[TPK/Acid]

The two men in the ring eye the stunned Honey, a feeling of concern settling into the pits of their stomachs. This feeling quickly subsides, as the roar of the impact crowd gets them into the contest. The two long time friends, rather than go right at one another, talk amongst themselves for a moment or two, before sharing a friendly handshake and surveying their choice of weapons.

Ray: I swear to god, if somebody doesn't hit somebody soon I am going to ask for a refund!

JP: Um, Ray. You DO realize we get into these things for free...right? I mean, we work here.

Samson: EEEEEH AAAAAAH!

Ray: Damn it, I thought that ticket guy was a bit fishy....and I'll have no lip from you Samson, another outburst like that, and i'll turn you into a new jacket...wow, sorry I think I took that a bit far, sorry.

A few moments pass, and each man now has a carton of eggs in their possession. And like that, a slew of white projectiles fills the air, and the two combatants are now literally battered. As an added effect, the mat is littered with dozens, if not hundreds of tiny little shards of egg shell. The Psychotic Superstar and The energetic One now lock up, he egg coating making it nearly impossible for either man to get a very decent grip. TPK quickly transitions Hyper into a side headlock, but Hyper expertly counters by shoving The Psychotic One into the nearest set of ropes. The Assylum Dweller's back makes contact with the rubber cables, and rocket him back in The Donut King's general direction. Elf's hand soars through the air, and drills TPK cenet mass with a loud chop, causing TPK to grin and rub his chest oddly. A feeling long forgotton, and deeply missed by The Psycho returns to him, pain. The KotSC Leader grits his teeth, and answers back with a solid knife edge of his own, which in turn causes Hyper to answer right back, and a battle of chops ensues.


JP: My god, I think I died and ended up on Food Network. What, with all the chopping, and food laying about.

Ray: Seriously? Jimmy, that was corny, even for YOU.

The chops continue to fly, with each one getting slightly stiffer than the last. Without notice, each man decide to leave their feet, and attempt dropkicks at the same time. This causes both men to flop, and land on the egg shell covered canvas below. TPK tries to scramble to his feet, but can't seem to find his footing. The Scurge of Dunkin Donuts however, uses his head and takes his time getting back to a stand. While TPK crawls to the nearest set of ropes, Hyper retrives a plate, and frisbies it toward TPK, drilling him right in the small of the back as he was getting to his feet. Hyper starts to capitilize on this, but all this comotion has roused the suspicion of Honey the Bear, causing each man to wisely exit the ring in an attempt to formulate a new strategy.


Samson: EEEEEH AAAAAAH!

JP: Boy, did you get THAT right. This does make for interesting wrestling. Not only are these two guys esentially in a food fight, but they have a bear to deal with on top of all of that!

Ray: Oh come on Jimmy, Honey is a pro! Trust me, when the time comes she will slap those paws on the mat and count. That is of course, if she doesn't end up eating one of the competitors first, but that only happened once...and that guy was kind of a dick.


TBC

[Hyperelf]

The enormous four-legged animal rise on to its paws. She releases a strong snort, which causes some of the breakfast debris to slide across the ring. The two participants, in this breakfast match of the ages, look at each other as if trying to communicate between one another via eye contact. Finally nodding in agreement, both simultaneously lean over to grab the nearest breakfast item next to their feet, and toss it in. The grizzly bear shakes her head. Trying to rid herself of the effects in the drug. When eventually coming to, the ref sniffs a muffin and a pancake. The two well known breakfast items did not please her as she lets out a slight growl, and smacks the items with her left paw. The muffin pegs Hyperelf in the head, causing his head to whip back and fall against the barricade.

Samson: EEEEH AAAAH

JP: You said it, Samson! That muffin strike was pitch perfect from Honey.

Ray: You both do remember that she is the ref, right?

The huge native forest animal notices The Psychotic One, as he kinda smiles nervously. Starting to slowly move his way around the outer ring. Honey closely watches him, even starting to move to one edge of the ring. Only to get stuck next to the ropes, unable to figure out how to move around this obstacle. She stands up on her hind legs, and lets out an enormous roar. Instead of fearing for their life, the audience is loving it and cheering even louder. The waffle lover continues around the last corner, looking to see if Hyper was still conscious from the muffin bullet. Only to be surprised by a pie to the face. The energetic one laughing profusely at his long term friends misfortune.

Ray: Wait a minute, who has pie for breakfast?

Samson: EEEEE AAAAAH!

Ray: I guess that's a valid point, Samson.

While the Asylum Dweller wipes away some of the cream from his eyes, the Donutavian takes advantage of the situation and goes on the attack. A quick european uppercut strikes the chin, followed by several kicks to the body. Each strike just giving TPK an even bigger grin. His body seemingly being awakened by the pain that his friend so nicely gives. The next kick was grabbed easily, leaving the Hyper One a little off balance on the one leg. A fan in the crowd gets The Psychotic Kid's attention, handing him in his free hand a bowl of fruit loops. TPK tosses it into the Donut King's face. Loops of fruit, and milk drip down his face with a very unpleased look while still balancing on one leg. The kid swings over and tosses Hyperelf down with a dragon leg screw. Honey, looking on from the ring, lets out a few desperate growls. Wanting to get in on the action, but still unable to find a way over these strange rubber ropes.

JP: What do you think of the match so far, Samson?

Samson: EEEE AAAAAAAH!

Ray: Oh please, all they are doing is rubbing breakfast food over each other.

JP: And this doesn't... Well, turn you on?

Ray: Of course not! The only thing I'd like to see on those bodies are some nice hot oil if you know what I mean.

JP: I shouldn't have brought it up.

Samson: EEEEE AAAAH!

[TPK/Acid]

IHOP's most feared customer glances down at Hyper, and then up to Honey. Knowing the match needs to get back into the ring, he begins trying to negotiate with Queen Bear. TPK's pleas fall on deaf ears however, as the massive grizzly swats at TPK, landing plush with a paw to the side of the head, the force sending TPK back into the nearby guardrail.

JP: In what way did that seem like it was even a remotely a good idea? I mean c'mon, you can not negotiate with a bear, he's lucky he only got smacked around a little bit. And for everyone's sake I hope she was fed before this match.

Ray: Jimmy, hello! There is plenty of food scattered about. If Honey gets hungry, she has simply to pick something up and eat it.

Samson: EEEEH AAAAH!

JP: Exactly Ray, what if that something is one of the wrestlers?

Meanwhile, Hyper has made it back to his vertical base, and is on the hunt for something to use to gain an advantage. The Master of The Hyperline finally finds the perfect weapon, a GHW/EVPW staple in the form of a cast iron skillet. The Energetic One approaches TPK, who is in a kneeling position in front of him. Hyper starts to raise the cast iron skillet overhead but freezes in his tracks when he sees what TPK has in his possession. In one hand a perfectly round, heavily glazed donut, and in the other hand a bag of artificial sweetener. Hyper breaks out in a cold sweat, as TPK tauntingly tears at the corner of the bag. The Asylum Native tells Hyper to smack himself, or the donut gets it, and without hesitation Hyper does just that, laying himself out in the process. TPK pulls himself up, places the donut in Hyper's waiting mouth, and picks up the skillet for himself. But, out of nowhere, TPK mimics Hyper's actions from a few moments ago, and lays himself out with the cast iron bludgeon.

JP: Just what the hell!? He had Hyper Elf dead to rights, but what does he do with his opponent in the cross-hairs? He pulls the trigger on himself, that's what!

Ray: Yeah, talk about awkward. Maybe, just maybe, he's trying to psyche himself up.

Both men now lay on the sticky ringside canvas, neither one making an immediate effort to get up. Back in the ring, Honey still fights against the ropes, which sound as though they could snap at any given minute, but soon stops when she smells the familiar scent of steak fill the air. Indeed, a fan tossed a large hunk of meat into the ring, and Honey snaps to, quickly ripping into the large cut of meat. Hyper finishes the donut, which seems to give him a second wind, as he easily gets up off the ground and drags TPK to his feet. TPK, not going easily, lands a hard series of lefts into The Veteran Hyper's ribs. Hyper shakes off blow, after blow, after blow, before answering by driving the point of his elbow into The Psychotic Superstar's temple. The Energetic One then rolls TPK into the ring, and follows soon after. The Silver Psycho look alike pulls himself up by the ropes, and picks up a gallon of milk. Hyper, rather than go on the offense, looks on curiously to see what his friend has in mind here. TPK takes the red lid off of the jug, and holds it up to his lips, before tipping his head back. The liquid in the jug drains quickly, as a chug chant begins to fill the air. Hyper starts to back away, but it's just too late as TPK projectile vomits, covering not only Hyper Elf, but part of the front row in the process.

JP: Awww, that is just nasty!

Ray: Oh Jesus I think...I think I'm gonna...*before he can even get the words out, Ray White throws up all over the floor behind his chair*

JP: Clean up, aisle three!

Samson: EEEEEH AAAAH!


TBC