Post by Saul Ledgett on Feb 3, 2015 6:11:42 GMT -4
We open on a sign reading "Welcome To The Gold Coast, Queensland Australia" fading out quickly.
“I grew up here… in this small piece of paradise…”
Particularly shined shoes crunch down on a glamourous pebbled beach, as we pan both around and behind a well-dressed man in jacket and pants, looking out into an almost perfectly-green ocean, what appears to be an old school typewriter under one arm. Although we cannot see this man headon, other than his platinum-blonde hairstyle, the various goings on around him keep the eyes interested… children laughing playing cricket on the golden sand nearby, a pair of mates frying shrimp on the barby, it was all the laid-back, typical Aussie setting you’d expect from the brochure.
“This coastal beachy town in Queensland, Australia…”
Again we’re shown the smiling kids enjoying the sunshine, knocking cricket balls playfully and whatnot. Back to the man, With the camera still set behind him, the blonde man bends down to rake his hand across the ground, sorting the pebbles from the sand which parts through his fingers easily, squatting and dusting his hands off.
“I can still remember that was me down there, slogging it out with a good ol’ game of beach cricket or chucking a line fishing, that used to be me alright… this is where I fell in love with writing… this is where I began my success.“
For the first time we’re shown the man’s eyes at a brief glance, steeled and blue, squinting in the midday sun, this beach of evident significance.
“But enough about me, and my three best-selling novels. You know they have a saying here about Queensland…”
Still rested on his calf muscles in a squat, the man ciphers a stone out of the rough, rubbing the smooth-surfaced stone with his thumb and standing up.
“Here in Queensland, a place we like to call The Sunshine State, we say Queensland… beautiful one day perfect the next... and you wanna know something…”
The well-dressed man turns back to the water and casts the stone with a generous throw, watching it skim not once not twice but three times, turning to the camera face-on finally, showing the square jawed, chiseled-cheek-boned smirk of James Best.
“It’s all bullshit!”
Generic 80’s-styled heavy metal music hits and with that James smashes the typewriter to pieces dramatically, cueing a fast paced video montage of clips and bits. James turns and snatches one of the otherwise blissfully happy children, in this case a fat kid and shoves him backwards into the sand, snatching their cricket bat and ruining their game by casting it high and far into the shoreline of the sea! We cut back to the ‘barby’ and James is violently swiping the tray of sausages and shrimp aside, grabbing shrimp and snapping them in half with an evil, albeit silent, laugh in slow motion with the video package.
“Queensland isn’t perfect… I am perfect.”
We cut to various images, each shocking and impactful.
“Australia sucks. I’m awesome.”
James takes a cute little kangaroo key-ring and rips its head off.
“I’m incredibly successful, internationally, through hard work… if anything this country held me back.”
Best spin-kicks the head off a toddler’s ice-cream cone.
“Australia has shitty pens anyway, always going dry.”
James is seen from behind with his ass-crack showing, pissing freely into the sea as horrified parents shield their children’s eyes, the metal music still cranking away.
“I’ll rub my nuts on your pen set!”
The video package is speeding through images at this point. James spray paints “Good Day” where G’day should be.
“I make you interested in all my characters then kill them off in chapter two.”
The metal music abruptly stops and we cue to James Best, standing tall in his power-suit, dressed to the nines with both hands in his pockets and the wind in his hair, backdropped by the destruction he’d unleashed on this otherwise pristine Australian beach.
“My name is James Best.”
“Nobody cared who I was til’ I picked up the pen.”
Fade to black.
JAMES BEST.
BEST SELLING AUTHOR.
BOOK SIGNINGS AT EVPW SOON.
Fin.
OOC: Damn I'm possessed. Looks like I'm bringing James Best back... again.
