Post by TPK/Acid on Aug 3, 2014 3:40:55 GMT -4
June 2014
The scene opens in the EVPW arena, however rather than it's usually lively feel, it is frequented by what seems to be a hoard of homeless people. Surprisingly the lights are still on, and there seems to be a crew at the announce desk despite the vacancy of regular EVPW programming.
"Paranoid" Danny Parker: Welcome to Hobo Championship Wrestling, boy do we have a surprise for ya'll tonight!
Randal "The Mouth" Mercury: That's right, we've somehow managed to dupe an actual Pro Wrestler into coming to fight here tonight, he thinks he's joining the EVPW roster...yeah, well that's just not the case. It's his fault, if he'd been keeping up he'd know they are on a bit of a hiatus.
"Paranoid" Danny Parker: Which reminds me, how the hell we paying for all this fancy ass equipment?
Randal "The Mouth" Mercury: Well my friend, when you have no gag reflex, and don't particularly care where the shit came from you'll find you can get all sorts of things. Besides, they don't call me the mouth for nothin'.
"Paranoid" Danny Parker: I thought it was because you talked a lot, not because of...Jesus never mind.
As the two men at the announce booth yammer on, to who only God knows, Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana blasts over the PA to a rather lackluster reaction. Moments later a wirey framed man, with shaggy brown hair, and light stubble, wearing a pair of blue tights with black slit patterns running down the sides slowly strides onto the entrance ramp. The expression on his face seems all business, as he doesn't even seem to notice the appearance, or better yet the foul stench, of the bums surrounding him. The wrestler starts down the ramp, and eerie calmness in the way he carries himself ever closer to the ring.
"Paranoid" Danny Parker: And here is the sucke...bad choice of words, WRESTLER...now. Reading my notes (There is nothing in front of him) I'm seeing this is Killian Fitzpatrick, and if the nae sounds familiar it's because his father was none other than Colin Fitzpatrick.
Randal "The Mouth" Mercury: All we had to do to snag him away from those yahoos in New Mexico was dangle an EVPW contract in his face, we've got hundreds of em just laying about...go figure.
"Paranoid" Danny Parker: You realize "Those yahoos in New Mexico." got bought out right, Killian and the management of the new owners clashed quite a bit, it was just a matter of giving this young lad an out. Surpisingly I didn't even have to felate anyone. It's a win, win.
No sooner than Killian enters the ring, Don't Fear the Reaper blasts over the PA, to a slightly more enthusiastic response than Killian had received. A Large, bald, angry looking man wearing ragged camo jeans, and only one shoe storms onto stage. His pace quick as he walks down the ramp, what sounds like thunder sounds as his feet make contact with the ground below him. The large man rolls under the bottom rope, Killian moves in to attack but is cut off by the ref so the Ring Announcer can call the combatants.
Angus "Angus" Farley:"Lads and Lassies, this is your featured attraction, and is for a ham sandwich on white bread!
Killian's pacing comes to an abrupt stop, his gaze now shoots to the man speaking in the middle of the ring. A look of confusion is evident, as Fitzpatrick can clearly be seen mouthing the word "Ham sandwich on white bread." Angus shrugs and nods, getting a bit of a chuckle from the "fans."
Angus "Angus" Farley:Introducing first, the new guy! Hailing from Kona, Hawaii by way of Killkenny, Ireland. Killian Fitzpatrick! And his opponent, from Baton Rouge, Louisiana The one, The ONLY...The man they call CATFISH!
The gathering of bums burst into a "Catfish" chant, as the large Louisiana native beats his chest in rhythm to the chants. Angus leaves the rings, as the ref explains the rules...or lack thereof to the combatants, as soon as he steps aside Catfish attempts to flip the tables on Fitzpatrick, hurling headlong towards him only to be met with a stinging chop that catches him square in the chest. Catfish reels back from the shock, but quickly recovers, the bigger man then lunges forward and shoves his boot into the side of Killian's abdomen making him wince momentarily.
Randal "The Mouth" Mercury: Both these men getting some shots in early, but what's important is who is going to be able to keep it up? Will Catfish keep his domination up, and keep his belly full? Or will our newcomer be able to persevere?
"Paranoid" Danny Parker: If it comes down to skills alone no doubt Fitzpatrick, but Catfish is one big dude, and he is hungry. If the only thing keeping him from his next meal is Killian, you best believe he'll bulldoze right through him to get that sandwich!
Not wanting to engage his opponent directly quite yet, Fitzpatrick steps to the side, and throws his whole body into the side of Catfish's knee, which in turns drops the big man to a kneeling position. Now, with easier access to Catfish's massive skull, Killian throws a barrage of elbows and fists into the Mastodon's forehead until he draws blood. This move proves to be a mistake, as the sight of his own blood sends Catfish into Berserker mode. The man-beast growls and clasps a meaty paw around The Irish-Hawaiian's neck, before hoisting him well over his head, and holding him for a good ten seconds. Killian's face starts to turn various colors, and he paws at Catfish's hands to no effect. It ends quickly after though, as Catfish drives Killian forcefully to the dusty mat below, and immediately goes for a cover. 1..2..NO, Killian manages to somehow get a shoulder up from under, what feels to him at the time, ton of Catfish laying atop him. The Man from Cajun Country gets up, dragging Colin's Kid up with him. Once standing, Catfish tries for a lariat, only to have Killian duck underneath, wrap around behind, and leap up onto the larger man's back. Killian locks in a sleeper, hoping to cut wear the larger man out, and put a much needed end to the match. Catfish flails his arms about, and starts looking on the woozy side, in a last ditch effort he runs backward, smashing his opponent back-first into the nearest turnbuckle, getting a groan from the "fans." Catfish, now able to breath once again, takes a step or two out of the corner. Underestimating the tenacity of the Fitzpatrick clan, Catfish takes a few moments too long to recover, turning around only to see Killian poised on the middle rope, The Irishman leaps forth, and cracks head to head with Catfish taking him down smoothly. Killian covers, one..two..THREE!
"Paranoid" Danny Parker: Sumbich! Did you see that, that headbutt was vicious, and I don't think it went well for either party. But, I'll be damned if it didn't work, Killian wins, and for the first time since I can remember Catfish won't be enjoying the sandwich.
Randal "The Mouth" Mercury: Twas quite the first outing for young Killian Fitzpatrick here, but he managed to pull through. Not that he really needs it, but he won that ham on white!
Killian raises a single eyebrow in disbelief as Angus "Angus" Farley hands him a Ham Sandwich. Yes, if there was any confusion about the prize before, it's all but gone now as Killian stares at his "trophy" in disbelief. Catfish looks at the prize, and a deep sadness begins to well up deep in his body, and his gut begins to growl knowing he'll not have a meal for the night. He gets up and starts to take the long walk of shame backstage when Killian yells his name, Catfish turns toward his opponent fully expecting to have his loss rubbed right in his face. Killian, on the other hand, showing he isn't a total monster hands Catfish the sandwich. Catfish quickly downs it, and clasps one of his claws over the shoulder of Killian, and then pulling him in for a giant hug.
"Paranoid" Danny Parker: Now that's class right there, though I don't know if this is just an attempt to set Catfish up in the future. I'd be a bit reluctant if I were Catfish.
Randal "The Mouth" Mercury: What are you talking about man, you are reluctant about literally everybody. Don't think I haven't noticed the footlong machete you've been clutching on to throughout the entire brodcast "Just in case." I happen to think Killian is being completely sincere.
"Paranoid" Danny Parker: *Holding the machete close to his cheek* It's ok "Dave" he didn't mean nothin' by that. I still love ya buddy. It's ok, don't cry.
The scene comes to a close as the two men who had been battling one another mere moments ago walk back up the ramp side by side, in a show of newly found friendship.
EoT
(Got bored thought I'd throw some random shit up here, comment if you'd like)
