Post by nextgeneration on Nov 2, 2013 23:18:58 GMT -4
The scene opens upon the surface of a beaten door, a hook like a pointed nose adorning its face with a golden Starfleet communicator replica hanging from it. The name Maxwell Silver hammer is etched into its shimmering surface, the camcorder zooming in to trace the letters slowly before backing away once again to stare placidly upon the entrance to the Trekkie’s domain. Suddenly a hand pierces the eerie stillness, gripping the copper door knob and giving it a twist to gain access to the room. The lights are low, six dark figures clad in thick black robes are gathered around a circular table, a single light shining in the center of the and illuminating what appear to be schematics. Suddenly one of the shrouded figures lunges from his chair, sending it tumbling across the floor behind him and he flings the hood of his cloak off.
The man beneath the mantle is revealed to be none other than Vladimir Tepes Strife, he thrusts his hand into the air dramatically and proclaims to the other occupants of the room, “I, Slate of the Renderitdark clan, will halt the oncoming hoard using my battle captain level twenty attack Cunning Flurry. So I spin around like a cyclone of steely horror, slashing at my foes!”
A gigantic shrouded figure is the next to rise from the table, pointing a foreboding finger at the GodKing, and the booming voice of Kingbear fills the tiny space, “roll the twenty sided die and the percent die and your fate shall be sealed so says God!”
Another rises from the table, tearing the hood away from his head to reveal the face of Kade Samuels, “And I, Argal Bloody Fist of the Mountainhold clan, shall use Break Their Nerve Knight commander level twelve to shatter their resolve and weaken them to Slate’s magnificent blow!”
“Roll bitch!”
The sound of solid plastic dancing on the wooden surface of the table assaults the ears of the camera man and the lens dances as he cringes. Another of the clan of nerds launches from their seats and hurls the mantle from their body, revealing them to be the donut eater Hyper Elf, “And I, Veryblondean The Elvish Wizard shall cast icey terrain level one to discombobulate our foes and render them helpless! MUwahahahaha!”
“Roll!”
Next Bruce Adrian reveals himself, “And I, Glittersky the Gnome rouge shall use my poison laced caltrops to further hinder their advance!”
“Roll you dirty slut, and your destiny shall be revealed!”
Again the gamer rolls in response to the Grizzly’s fearsome command and another rises from their seat, a familiar Nebraskan accent raises above all other sound, “Hugo Hidden Ram of the Goliath clan will decimate the leader of the hoard with my doom sayer spell level twenty Long Fall into Darkness.”
“Wait-“ Finally the last member of the group enters the fray, “Are there any girls there?”
Kingbear’s face contorts with annoyance, “wah?”
“Are THERE ANY GIRLS THERE?!?!”
The bear man buries his face in his hand and rolls the six sided die, “Yes Max, there are girls there…”
“I wanna do ‘em.”
The game master shakes his head in exasperation and turns his attention to the other members of the game whom all wear disappointed expressions on their faces, “well?”
“One and twenty percent,” they all say except for the Trekkie, causing a shocked expression to grace Kingbear’s features.
He frowns and bows his head, “Slate cuts off Argal Bloody fist's head, Veryblondean casts icey terrain which causes Slate to fall on his ass onto a pile of poisonous caltrops. And the hoard rapes Veryblondean to death, whereas Hugo Hidden Ram falls into his own black hole. Losers.”
Silverhammer waves his hands enthusiastically, “I rolled an eighteen and one hundred percent, did I do them?”
“No. You’re dead too, they stabbed you in your stupid face.”
The Next Generation flips the table over in one fluid motion, “this is ridiculous! You’re ridiculous! Shenanigans!”
He suddenly lunges at the camera and points at it accusingly, “I know you’ve had something to do with this, my luck with the ladies has always been spot on and the only possible explanation is that you have infiltrated our game... Mr. Bodacious, you’ve contaminated the dungeon master’s think tank with silly notions of me, The Nerdtastic One, being crazy… Goofy… Delirious…Delusional.. I am clearly all seriousness at all times man!… I mean, there is NOTHING funny about protecting the world from phantasms and the evil Ming! I will show you who the delusional one is! I’ll show you the true power of nerd vengeance! I shall claim your Champion of Everything belt and hang it over my fire place so that my MANY and totally not imaginary girlfriends can gaze upon its wonder and be reaffirmed in my greatness! You, me, and the match of all ages! I will destroy you on my turf, a Three Stage Enterprise Match, and you will know the power of the alli-”
His sentence is interrupted by the enthusiastic exclamation of Hyper Elf, “Phoenix Feather!”
Silverhammer shakes his head, slams his palm into the lens, and the screen goes black.
EOT, comment bitches.
The man beneath the mantle is revealed to be none other than Vladimir Tepes Strife, he thrusts his hand into the air dramatically and proclaims to the other occupants of the room, “I, Slate of the Renderitdark clan, will halt the oncoming hoard using my battle captain level twenty attack Cunning Flurry. So I spin around like a cyclone of steely horror, slashing at my foes!”
A gigantic shrouded figure is the next to rise from the table, pointing a foreboding finger at the GodKing, and the booming voice of Kingbear fills the tiny space, “roll the twenty sided die and the percent die and your fate shall be sealed so says God!”
Another rises from the table, tearing the hood away from his head to reveal the face of Kade Samuels, “And I, Argal Bloody Fist of the Mountainhold clan, shall use Break Their Nerve Knight commander level twelve to shatter their resolve and weaken them to Slate’s magnificent blow!”
“Roll bitch!”
The sound of solid plastic dancing on the wooden surface of the table assaults the ears of the camera man and the lens dances as he cringes. Another of the clan of nerds launches from their seats and hurls the mantle from their body, revealing them to be the donut eater Hyper Elf, “And I, Veryblondean The Elvish Wizard shall cast icey terrain level one to discombobulate our foes and render them helpless! MUwahahahaha!”
“Roll!”
Next Bruce Adrian reveals himself, “And I, Glittersky the Gnome rouge shall use my poison laced caltrops to further hinder their advance!”
“Roll you dirty slut, and your destiny shall be revealed!”
Again the gamer rolls in response to the Grizzly’s fearsome command and another rises from their seat, a familiar Nebraskan accent raises above all other sound, “Hugo Hidden Ram of the Goliath clan will decimate the leader of the hoard with my doom sayer spell level twenty Long Fall into Darkness.”
“Wait-“ Finally the last member of the group enters the fray, “Are there any girls there?”
Kingbear’s face contorts with annoyance, “wah?”
“Are THERE ANY GIRLS THERE?!?!”
The bear man buries his face in his hand and rolls the six sided die, “Yes Max, there are girls there…”
“I wanna do ‘em.”
The game master shakes his head in exasperation and turns his attention to the other members of the game whom all wear disappointed expressions on their faces, “well?”
“One and twenty percent,” they all say except for the Trekkie, causing a shocked expression to grace Kingbear’s features.
He frowns and bows his head, “Slate cuts off Argal Bloody fist's head, Veryblondean casts icey terrain which causes Slate to fall on his ass onto a pile of poisonous caltrops. And the hoard rapes Veryblondean to death, whereas Hugo Hidden Ram falls into his own black hole. Losers.”
Silverhammer waves his hands enthusiastically, “I rolled an eighteen and one hundred percent, did I do them?”
“No. You’re dead too, they stabbed you in your stupid face.”
The Next Generation flips the table over in one fluid motion, “this is ridiculous! You’re ridiculous! Shenanigans!”
He suddenly lunges at the camera and points at it accusingly, “I know you’ve had something to do with this, my luck with the ladies has always been spot on and the only possible explanation is that you have infiltrated our game... Mr. Bodacious, you’ve contaminated the dungeon master’s think tank with silly notions of me, The Nerdtastic One, being crazy… Goofy… Delirious…Delusional.. I am clearly all seriousness at all times man!… I mean, there is NOTHING funny about protecting the world from phantasms and the evil Ming! I will show you who the delusional one is! I’ll show you the true power of nerd vengeance! I shall claim your Champion of Everything belt and hang it over my fire place so that my MANY and totally not imaginary girlfriends can gaze upon its wonder and be reaffirmed in my greatness! You, me, and the match of all ages! I will destroy you on my turf, a Three Stage Enterprise Match, and you will know the power of the alli-”
His sentence is interrupted by the enthusiastic exclamation of Hyper Elf, “Phoenix Feather!”
Silverhammer shakes his head, slams his palm into the lens, and the screen goes black.
EOT, comment bitches.
