Post by Nicholas Carson on Sept 1, 2013 22:41:02 GMT -4
At some point and time present or future during the show, since the timeline is all jacked up right now, "Copperhead Road" cranks up and brings those attending to their feet with hate filled shouts at the ready.
The Dark Harlequin is first to emerge from behind the curtain veil and is followed by her husband Chris Pyro, his brother Lee Pyro, and lastly Nicholas Carson himself, and the Mauler has the prestigious EVPW Decimator title around his waist. The response rendered to them is fierce and almost physical, like they were being drowned by a massive wave of hate. All of them are dressed in black, except for the Dark Harlequin who sports a red ensemble for some reason. She skips around to the back of them all as they stand strong against their haters, then returns wheeling a large cart full of balloon animals they made prior to their arrival. Each member of The Nephilim grabs one of the items, which is either a fist shaped one with the middle finger stuck up or one in the shape of a dick-and-balls, and tosses it at the fans nearby. Their gifts are immediately popped or thrown to the floor and trampled on but they could not possibly care less as they slowly stroll to the ring, each man's cadence a confident one full of John Wayne style swagger.
"How rude of these fans. The Nephilim went out of their way to make those balloon animals for these pricks and they pop them as soon as they are handed one."
"They can't gift their way out of what they have done to Kahlan and Envy during the past few weeks. I'm surprised Kingbear hasn't demanded the title be given back to Envy; folks I assure you he is NOT the world champion."
"Oh yes he is. Possession is 9/10 of the law Jimmy and he has that shiny belt around his waist. I think it brings out the crazy in his crazy eyes all the more. He is sexy in his own unique way. That's right, I'm adding him to my fantasy file right now."
Each man files into the ring one at a time and pace a little to further agitiate the already rowdy crowd. Carson lifts a hand up and signals for the music to be cut and whoever the button pusher backstage is obeys the order. The Mauler produces a microphone and pulls it to his lips but doesn't immediately speak, the slanderous chants from the fans far too loud to talk over even with his booming voice. He lowers the mic and snarls with the corner of his right lip, his barbaric brethren circling the inside of the squared hell with hand gestures demanding the noise be ceased. It takes a moment but the annoying fuckers reduce volume enough for the Lord of Lunacy to begin.
"Thank you all for the warm welcome here in Cock Cord Shittyfornia. As you can see I have the EVPW Decimation Title wrapped around my beastly waist, but that does not mean I am your world champion. Fuck no. I am not the world champion. You bunch of shit squirts don't deserve a world champion as great as me and I for damn sure won't declare myself YOUR champion because that would depreciate my value and legacy. And that's not Nicholas Wayne Carson saying it because the cameras are rolling, that's Cody fucking Long saying it because I legitimately hate every single one of your sorry asses and I hate this fucking shitty ass hippy state. Believe me, if I was smart enough I would figure out a way to make a super weapon to disrupt all the fault lines in this state and cause a slew of mega earthquakes that would hopefully sink this shithole into the sea with all of you on it."
The crowd endears him with "Fuck You, Nicky" chants.
*In Ron Burgundy voice* Go fuck yourself, Concord. And while you're at it fuck the Raiders, fuck the Kings, fuck the Lakers, fuck the 49ers and their bitch coach, fuck the Chargers, fuck the A's, fuck the Padres, fuck the Clippers, fuck the Warriors, fuck the sharks, fuck the ducks, and most of all FUCK THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS! They were a shitty music group, especially Beepop the one that played the drums, and here's a spoiler if you ever wondered what happened to them. I ATE THEM! It was right about the time I started eating children, and if I see one more of you little kids shooting me the bird I am going to crawl out of this ring and EAT YOU TOO!"
The camera switches feed to the crowd area and zeroes in on several of the frightened younger ones ducking behind their parents.
"Now he's threatening the fans with bodily harm. I'm pretty sure that's a reprimandable offense."
"He also just named off every major league sports team in California, and let the world know how he felt about them. He's was also right, those teams suck."
Nicky Boy takes a deep breath and cools his jets.
"See, I didn't take this title off of Envy because I wanted to be world champion again. Been there and done that. I did it because she is weak and pathetic. A world champion should be a man of war, a man of renown. Strong. Tough. Not someone who is going to go in the back and cry themselves silly in the bathroom after the camera stops rolling. But that's exactly what Envy did because she is fragile. A world champion in this place should wear his bruises like they are badges of honor, not something that you hide with your hands or with make up, but that is exactly what Envy did because she can not look at her true self in the mirror anymore knowing that I made her into a common bitch-girl. While I am obviously too good to be your world champion, Envy was simply not good enough to be yours. So I took the title away from her. And you should be thanking me for that because look at what happened afterward. Any self respecting world champion would have come to get their title back after getting it straight up jacked, but instead Envy cried her little girly eyes out and rumor has it she went out to a bar with a dust collecting ancient relic that hasn't meant jack shit since he woke up from the fucking coma Kingbear put him in. On that note, go ahead Envy, wash away your pain by downing a few drinks. Get drunk and crunk. Confide in Vladberg. Fall into his arms and slam your shit-spitter on his dick a time or two. Do whaever you have to do and enjoy it while you can, because sooner or later you're going to have to look at yourself in the mirror again, and all you'll see is that same scared, crying little bitch-girl with the busted face and branded ass. Maybe then you'll muster the gumption and try to come get your title and dignity back. Until then I'll be waiting with this challenge extended: anytime, anyplace, Molestation Match. I'll even agree to leave the Dark Court in the back."
"Nicky with a blockbuster challenge to Envy. Anytime, anyplace, but that stipulation is sure to move her away from accepting it."
"It's a shame he is having to extend challenges and all the sort. He's right, Envy doesn't deserve that title. I wonder how she'll respond to the challenge? Think she'll cry again?"
"Only time will tell, Ray."
End of Thread.
The Dark Harlequin is first to emerge from behind the curtain veil and is followed by her husband Chris Pyro, his brother Lee Pyro, and lastly Nicholas Carson himself, and the Mauler has the prestigious EVPW Decimator title around his waist. The response rendered to them is fierce and almost physical, like they were being drowned by a massive wave of hate. All of them are dressed in black, except for the Dark Harlequin who sports a red ensemble for some reason. She skips around to the back of them all as they stand strong against their haters, then returns wheeling a large cart full of balloon animals they made prior to their arrival. Each member of The Nephilim grabs one of the items, which is either a fist shaped one with the middle finger stuck up or one in the shape of a dick-and-balls, and tosses it at the fans nearby. Their gifts are immediately popped or thrown to the floor and trampled on but they could not possibly care less as they slowly stroll to the ring, each man's cadence a confident one full of John Wayne style swagger.
"How rude of these fans. The Nephilim went out of their way to make those balloon animals for these pricks and they pop them as soon as they are handed one."
"They can't gift their way out of what they have done to Kahlan and Envy during the past few weeks. I'm surprised Kingbear hasn't demanded the title be given back to Envy; folks I assure you he is NOT the world champion."
"Oh yes he is. Possession is 9/10 of the law Jimmy and he has that shiny belt around his waist. I think it brings out the crazy in his crazy eyes all the more. He is sexy in his own unique way. That's right, I'm adding him to my fantasy file right now."
Each man files into the ring one at a time and pace a little to further agitiate the already rowdy crowd. Carson lifts a hand up and signals for the music to be cut and whoever the button pusher backstage is obeys the order. The Mauler produces a microphone and pulls it to his lips but doesn't immediately speak, the slanderous chants from the fans far too loud to talk over even with his booming voice. He lowers the mic and snarls with the corner of his right lip, his barbaric brethren circling the inside of the squared hell with hand gestures demanding the noise be ceased. It takes a moment but the annoying fuckers reduce volume enough for the Lord of Lunacy to begin.
"Thank you all for the warm welcome here in Cock Cord Shittyfornia. As you can see I have the EVPW Decimation Title wrapped around my beastly waist, but that does not mean I am your world champion. Fuck no. I am not the world champion. You bunch of shit squirts don't deserve a world champion as great as me and I for damn sure won't declare myself YOUR champion because that would depreciate my value and legacy. And that's not Nicholas Wayne Carson saying it because the cameras are rolling, that's Cody fucking Long saying it because I legitimately hate every single one of your sorry asses and I hate this fucking shitty ass hippy state. Believe me, if I was smart enough I would figure out a way to make a super weapon to disrupt all the fault lines in this state and cause a slew of mega earthquakes that would hopefully sink this shithole into the sea with all of you on it."
The crowd endears him with "Fuck You, Nicky" chants.
*In Ron Burgundy voice* Go fuck yourself, Concord. And while you're at it fuck the Raiders, fuck the Kings, fuck the Lakers, fuck the 49ers and their bitch coach, fuck the Chargers, fuck the A's, fuck the Padres, fuck the Clippers, fuck the Warriors, fuck the sharks, fuck the ducks, and most of all FUCK THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS! They were a shitty music group, especially Beepop the one that played the drums, and here's a spoiler if you ever wondered what happened to them. I ATE THEM! It was right about the time I started eating children, and if I see one more of you little kids shooting me the bird I am going to crawl out of this ring and EAT YOU TOO!"
The camera switches feed to the crowd area and zeroes in on several of the frightened younger ones ducking behind their parents.
"Now he's threatening the fans with bodily harm. I'm pretty sure that's a reprimandable offense."
"He also just named off every major league sports team in California, and let the world know how he felt about them. He's was also right, those teams suck."
Nicky Boy takes a deep breath and cools his jets.
"See, I didn't take this title off of Envy because I wanted to be world champion again. Been there and done that. I did it because she is weak and pathetic. A world champion should be a man of war, a man of renown. Strong. Tough. Not someone who is going to go in the back and cry themselves silly in the bathroom after the camera stops rolling. But that's exactly what Envy did because she is fragile. A world champion in this place should wear his bruises like they are badges of honor, not something that you hide with your hands or with make up, but that is exactly what Envy did because she can not look at her true self in the mirror anymore knowing that I made her into a common bitch-girl. While I am obviously too good to be your world champion, Envy was simply not good enough to be yours. So I took the title away from her. And you should be thanking me for that because look at what happened afterward. Any self respecting world champion would have come to get their title back after getting it straight up jacked, but instead Envy cried her little girly eyes out and rumor has it she went out to a bar with a dust collecting ancient relic that hasn't meant jack shit since he woke up from the fucking coma Kingbear put him in. On that note, go ahead Envy, wash away your pain by downing a few drinks. Get drunk and crunk. Confide in Vladberg. Fall into his arms and slam your shit-spitter on his dick a time or two. Do whaever you have to do and enjoy it while you can, because sooner or later you're going to have to look at yourself in the mirror again, and all you'll see is that same scared, crying little bitch-girl with the busted face and branded ass. Maybe then you'll muster the gumption and try to come get your title and dignity back. Until then I'll be waiting with this challenge extended: anytime, anyplace, Molestation Match. I'll even agree to leave the Dark Court in the back."
"Nicky with a blockbuster challenge to Envy. Anytime, anyplace, but that stipulation is sure to move her away from accepting it."
"It's a shame he is having to extend challenges and all the sort. He's right, Envy doesn't deserve that title. I wonder how she'll respond to the challenge? Think she'll cry again?"
"Only time will tell, Ray."
End of Thread.
