Metal Dragon Shills More Vulgar and Tasteless Merchandise
Aug 29, 2013 21:03:26 GMT -4
Vladimir Strife, Envy, and 1 more like this
Post by M BISON on Aug 29, 2013 21:03:26 GMT -4
ADULT CONTENT WARNING
18+
BAD WORDS
BAD WORDS
BAD WORDS
BAD WORDS
BAD WORDS
BAD WORDS
AND DONGS
BAD WORDS
BAD WORDS
BAD WORDS
BAD WORDS
BAD WORDS
AND DONGS
An old graveyard sits on a grassy knoll near Springfield, Tennessee, bearing worn-down graves of those passed over a century ago. The brush around it partially conceals it from the adjacent gravel road. It's a breezy evening in the country, one you could get lost in. The breeze flows over the graveyard and brushes a man sitting in a wooden chair, a rope dangling a couple feet over his head. Metal Dragon slowly raises his head to face the camera, appearing to bear a demeanor similar to the one he had in older days.
*CLICK*
"...aaaaand ACTION!"
MD's face suddenly lights up.
"Hello GHW fans, I'm Metal Dragon."
"CUT!"
"Whoops, sorry-"
Static blurs the screen for a split-second, then returns to the same view of the prodigal wrestler. He bites his lip and continues.
"I was going to talk here today about my intentions coming back after just dropping off the face of the Earth, but really, I'd rather not. Plus I had the window down on the interstate and it kinda flew out."
Dragon reaches under his chair and grasps the handle of a small black stereo, removing it from under his seat promptly. The Man of Golden Words stands up and places the stereo in the chair.
"So I have brought you some EVPW merchandise I made, maybe available soon through EVPWShop.com!"
The play button is pushed, and soft piano music begins to soothe the soul. Giant words appear on the screen as a middle-aged woman performs a voiceover.
REAL METAL DRAGON FANFICTION
READ BY: METAL DRAGON
Voiceover lady: "You creamed it out, and then we lapped up every drop and had the object of YOUR desires read it to you soothingly. It's Metal Dragon, reading fanfiction... of himself."
The scene switches to Metal Dragon staring into the deep woods, his mind full of quiet reflection. "CREAM-FILLED DONUTS" is displayed across the bottom of the screen. Dragon's mouth does not move, for he just has to stand there and let the record play over him.
"EAATT THe DONUT OFF MY DICK!!! said Metal Dragon as The HYPER Elf (he's hot becuz he looks like logalas) stared at Metal Dragon's Dragon, for Elf knew that was a new kind of donat that has a meat fillin.g..."
"Wait, what the fuck am I reading?"
The scene abruptly cuts to Dragon standing his left foot on the chair in the graveyard, looking up at the noose similar to one that defeated him before. A voiceover of "HUNG MANS HORROR" begins.
"Dragon was seeing just how deep Tifa Lockheart's throat was as she stuffed it down, putting passion into every trip she took up the shaft. Suddenly, an unexpected visitor at the door entered without knocking. It was Vladimir Stri- and we're done with this one."
The view is now looking upward at Metal Dragon standing on the chair with rope in hand, having taken it down. The rope is tossed onto the camera lens as the reading of "THE ELDER HOLES V: SKYRIMJOB" begins.
"Metal Dragon rushed through the corridors of the luxurious mansion, massive chandeliers lighting the way. The doors to the lady's inner chamber opened outward, inviting him in. Unzipping his pants as the doors slowly begin to self-close, he sees the perfect view of his prey- aaaaaaand it's Sublime."
The scene returns to the original, Dragon sitting in his chair with the stereo in his lap.
"Other favorites include..."
The titles scroll upward as he reads them off.
"The Great Southern Trendcock..."
"Assylum Cage..."
"Bone Orchard... and many more!"
MD now holds the wrapped CD in his hand, complete with an album cover that, not surprisingly, is the CD title with a picture of Metal Dragon hanging from the tree in this scene and holding a broken and bleeding heart in his hands.
"So yeah, this is what happens when you take the hardcore badass, the man who has won every belt he has wanted, the GHW Hall of Famer... and let obese 15-year-old girls in Black Veil Brides shirts write stories about him on Vampirefreaks.com. Love. Romance. Sperm. Lots of sperm. And spelling errors. Four hours of LUST. For, like, $18.99. I promise that I get EXTRA naughty on the M. Bison ones. Meow."
The camera zooms in on a choice gravestone, nearly illegible like most on this patch, then slowly fades out.
END OF THREAD
