Post by markforce on May 18, 2012 15:33:20 GMT -4
BEEP.
Eyes open. A confused individual wakes up.
BEEP.
A familiar voice says “Do you know where you are?”
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Yes
BEEP.
Mark. It’s me. Open your eyes. Do you know where you are?
My apartment?
No. This is the hospital. I’m afraid you were buried in a pile of Hot Pockets...and we don’t know for how long. Your landlord found you under a tremendous pile after you failed to answer the door.
Mmmm...delicious, nutritious, hot pockets.
No. Not nutritious...and to be frank, I’ve had Hot Pockets. They’re not that delicious either!
Mark reaches his hand up and attempts to choke the doctor. The doctor very easily pushes Mark’s fat hand away.
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God dammit doc. Don’t you *ever* say an unkind word about Hot Pockets!
Mark. You. Have. To. Stop.
Pause for dramatic effect.
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Listen. I heard what happened with your last gig. You won a world championship...signed an odd sponsorship deal with Nestle to promote Hot Pockets...and then fell off the face of the earth. I talked to your landlord, and he says you haven’t been leaving your apartment...other than to accept the deliveries. You got stripped of your title...you got fat. Erm, fatter. Your face is hideous...but, that was true before.
Fuck exercise. Fuck wrestling. Fuck you.
I wrote a letter to Nestle.
No.
As your doctor, I made a recommendation.
No.
They are to no longer...
No.
Send.
NOOOO
You any more Hot Pockets.
NOOOOOO!!!!
Mark leaps out of the bed. He bear hugs the doctor, and pushes him to the ground. Mark rips off his gown, and 3 nurses throw up at the sight. He puts his gown back on and 2 more nurses throw up at the thought. Mark charges the doctor, but doc responds with a drop-toe-hold sending Mark into the wall.
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I was doing this for you. I was trying to be a friend...something you’re in desperate need of. Find a new doctor, asshole.
Mark crawls to a corner and weeps.
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When you want a hot meal....[sniff]...without a big deal. [sniff] Whatta ya gonna pick?
Mark looks up at a TV and sees an advertisement for EVPW’s SNK. He yells out the door, but the doctor is long gone.
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You’re the asshole, doc! EVPW is in town. I bet they’d like nothing more than to have a former world champion on their roster. We’ll see who’s fat and hideous then!
A nurse walks by.
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Oh, honey. It will still be you, god help you.
!!! CUE A SUPER AWESOME MONTAGE !!!
“Holding Out For a Hero” is the song playing for this montage.
Mark stands in the mirror fluffing his glorious mullet.
Mark does a push up.
Mark does TWO situps. He begins to throw up as we skip to the next montage scene.
Mark begins a jog to the EVPW HQ
10 feet later he keels over and flags down a taxi.
He talks to the cab driver, and high fives him.
He stands in front of EVPW HQ, and gets ready to ascend the enormous set of stairs leading to the doors.
After a few steps, he begins to wince in pain and hold his back.
Now he’s holding his knee.
The music stops and Mark is in an elevator. Whistling.
The music picks back up as Mark gets off the elevator.
HE SMASHES A TRASH CAN.
The music stops again as a housekeeper scolds him and makes him clean up his mess.
Music picks back up as Mark very dramatically starts to fill out the EVPW app.
He scribbles some shit out, and asks for another app.
He slams that shit down on the desk in front of the clerk at the EVPW offices.
WHAT, SON?!?![/center]
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