Post by -Jack Noble- on Apr 14, 2012 17:02:56 GMT -4
There is still a certain buzz about the crowd in the Solid Core gymnasium after that last match had several ups and downs for both competitors. However, even with the vibe being what it is, the arena grows silent, a bit too silent one would say. Suddenly, a steady guitar line begins to play over the speaker system before the song erupts into a heavy anthem. “Push it” by the band native to Wisconsin, Static X, begins to blast throughout the entire arena. This bring some confusion towards the crowd members, well, at least most of them. Some, on the other hand, realize what this song means, perhaps being a fan of this wrestler before he came to EVPW. None the less, a white and blue box of twinkies separates the two stage curtains before a hefty man pops out from behind them.
Oh my Gay God, is that...?
It is! Wow, he really.. uhm, filled out.
After the two commentators not exactly kind words, fans begin to realize who this chubby man is. It is none other than the Eagle Division Champion, Jack Noble. Half of the faithful EVPW fans give him quite the ovation while the other half seem to still be shocked by the sheer size of this man. Jack is wearing his typical t shirt and loose fitted wrestling shorts while carrying a box of twinkies in one hand as the other is holding his title over his shoulder. He is now mid way to the ring, but he suddenly stops dead in his fat tracks. He then places his left hand in the box of twinkies and throws a couple to each side of the entrance ramp. One of the Twinkies hits Ray White smack dab in the middle of his glowing face and he looks none to happy about it. The Spaceman aka the fat fuck who probably could not fit in a spaceship anymore, continues his way down the entrance walk. Jack trots up the three steel ring steps before entering the ring between the top and middle rope. A microphone is waiting for him underneath the turnbuckle opposite of him. He puts down his twinkies and walks over to the microphone before snatching it up and putting it up to his lips, hopefully not to eat it.
If you haven't noticed, Jack's been hitting the Twinkies again.
Some members of the audience laugh as the others are still a bit put off by the Spaceman's new appearance.
Now, down to business. I am Jack Noble, the Ayatollah of Twinkies, and I am your newly crowned EVPW Eagle Division Champion.
The mere mention of this happening gets a tremendous pop from the crowd before Noble begins to speak once again.
I know that I have been a bit M.I.A. This last week, and I do apologize. You can thank twinkle toes, John Simmons, for that shit. Good old ass ears “forgot” that this week wasn't Global Domination and told me to fly out to some syrup sippin' place in Canada. But, I digress, I'm here, I'm not queer, but I'm your champion, get used to it.
Once again, a huge pop echoes around the arena as it seems like the fans who were hesitant to cheer before got over Noble's newly found gut and a half.
Let us now talk of what I'm doing here tonight. As you know, I don't have a match this Knockout, but that won't stop me from causing as much mayhem as good ol' Jack can. I have a title, oh wait, I have two titles. For those of you who are a bit slow or old, I am the Eagle Division Champ and the United Glory Champ. Of course, this means I hold a lot of the companies gold in my possession, giving me a lot of power around here now adays. I know that Vlad's kinda back and blah blah blah, but fuck that. This is the real news, this is the news of Jack Noble finally having what he deserves in his possession. No, not just those Twinkies, this title. It means the world to this company, and to “The Company” as well. Their companies future is in the palm of my hand, and I know this fact, simply put, pissed them the hell off. After their ass monkey, Simmons, tried to keep me off of the air, I'm going to send them a message by being here, on your screens every single week. No one is keeping me off of this show anymore. I am Jack Fucking Noble for fucks sake. There is no more chasing any championships, no more second best bullshit, I am the best in the business, hell, I am the business. And if business isn't good, neither is “the company”.. if you see what I did there. Once again, I digress, I'm Jack Noble, I'm here, I'm the champ, pew pew.
Jack then spikes the microphone down to the beige EVPW ring canvas before jogging over and jumping on to the second turnbuckle rope holding his glorious title above his head.
Well, there he is, folks, your and my champion, Jack Noble.
Ugh..
Oh my Gay God, is that...?
It is! Wow, he really.. uhm, filled out.
After the two commentators not exactly kind words, fans begin to realize who this chubby man is. It is none other than the Eagle Division Champion, Jack Noble. Half of the faithful EVPW fans give him quite the ovation while the other half seem to still be shocked by the sheer size of this man. Jack is wearing his typical t shirt and loose fitted wrestling shorts while carrying a box of twinkies in one hand as the other is holding his title over his shoulder. He is now mid way to the ring, but he suddenly stops dead in his fat tracks. He then places his left hand in the box of twinkies and throws a couple to each side of the entrance ramp. One of the Twinkies hits Ray White smack dab in the middle of his glowing face and he looks none to happy about it. The Spaceman aka the fat fuck who probably could not fit in a spaceship anymore, continues his way down the entrance walk. Jack trots up the three steel ring steps before entering the ring between the top and middle rope. A microphone is waiting for him underneath the turnbuckle opposite of him. He puts down his twinkies and walks over to the microphone before snatching it up and putting it up to his lips, hopefully not to eat it.
If you haven't noticed, Jack's been hitting the Twinkies again.
Some members of the audience laugh as the others are still a bit put off by the Spaceman's new appearance.
Now, down to business. I am Jack Noble, the Ayatollah of Twinkies, and I am your newly crowned EVPW Eagle Division Champion.
The mere mention of this happening gets a tremendous pop from the crowd before Noble begins to speak once again.
I know that I have been a bit M.I.A. This last week, and I do apologize. You can thank twinkle toes, John Simmons, for that shit. Good old ass ears “forgot” that this week wasn't Global Domination and told me to fly out to some syrup sippin' place in Canada. But, I digress, I'm here, I'm not queer, but I'm your champion, get used to it.
Once again, a huge pop echoes around the arena as it seems like the fans who were hesitant to cheer before got over Noble's newly found gut and a half.
Let us now talk of what I'm doing here tonight. As you know, I don't have a match this Knockout, but that won't stop me from causing as much mayhem as good ol' Jack can. I have a title, oh wait, I have two titles. For those of you who are a bit slow or old, I am the Eagle Division Champ and the United Glory Champ. Of course, this means I hold a lot of the companies gold in my possession, giving me a lot of power around here now adays. I know that Vlad's kinda back and blah blah blah, but fuck that. This is the real news, this is the news of Jack Noble finally having what he deserves in his possession. No, not just those Twinkies, this title. It means the world to this company, and to “The Company” as well. Their companies future is in the palm of my hand, and I know this fact, simply put, pissed them the hell off. After their ass monkey, Simmons, tried to keep me off of the air, I'm going to send them a message by being here, on your screens every single week. No one is keeping me off of this show anymore. I am Jack Fucking Noble for fucks sake. There is no more chasing any championships, no more second best bullshit, I am the best in the business, hell, I am the business. And if business isn't good, neither is “the company”.. if you see what I did there. Once again, I digress, I'm Jack Noble, I'm here, I'm the champ, pew pew.
Jack then spikes the microphone down to the beige EVPW ring canvas before jogging over and jumping on to the second turnbuckle rope holding his glorious title above his head.
Well, there he is, folks, your and my champion, Jack Noble.
Ugh..
