Post by M BISON on Dec 26, 2009 7:18:13 GMT -4
I've gone absolutely batshit insane this week, and it made me assess my present situation. Everything seems to be falling apart, yet it's simply preventable.
I talked to a young man on Facebook named Dylan Leblanc, whom I greatly respect and who has been my friend since 2007, when we stopped hating each other and he'd just created a new e-fed character named Brian Commonwealth. Dylan quit e-fedding in the summer of 2008 and I had taken a short hiatus soon afterward to go to college, thinking I had retired. Dylan remains retired from e-feds, his personality having turned 180 degrees from what you all remember of him.
Meanwhile, I returned to EVPW in the fall of 2008 after my extracurricular activities kinda disappeared, in a state of boredom. Being that anything I'm good at immediately sucks up all my time, I fell into a deep depression while at TTU and e-fedding sucked up hours of my time per day even if nobody was posting anywhere, for one sole reason: I was good at it and it boosted my self-esteem. Fuck the fact that I was going to maybe two classes per week. Fuck the fact that the girl with awesome tits that I wanted to hang out with one weekend might have given me a chance. I was too much of a coward and I chose to keep on feddin'. It was comfortable and I knew I'd always succeed here.
My grades slipped and I finished the year with a 1.2 GPA. Before I returned, I was making all A's.
Fast-forward to the close of 2009. I've lost my job and I can't find a new one, I can't have fun playing the 360 for some reason, and the only thing that seems stable for me is my fedding and GMing. Every day I open this up, bitch to/about people on MSN (which, after looking at how much backstabbing I've done in my e-fed career, makes me sick at myself), and maybe post something just so I won't lose to whoever I'm paired up with. This isn't even fun anymore. It's a chore most weeks and everything's become political, which helps me say the next sentence, something that I should've kept to back in the fall of 2008 when I was leaving for college:
I'm done with fedding.
Yeah, I might post one more time in my match just to go out on a good note, but find another GM for WNG and vacate the tag belts if we retain them. It's time for me to find something that doesn't have me in a stranglehold, and it's past time for me to be what I SHOULD have been. I want to go back to college. I want to have a social life. I don't want to sit in a dark room for hours writing a post. It's taken its toll on me.
Not to say that I haven't enjoyed my career, though it was definitely more enjoyable in the past. (You know, when people asked "What did I do wrong to lose?" rather than "Whose dick did he suck to win?" at the sight of a results thread.)
One side of me is glad, though, that I came back a little over a year ago, because otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to meet Brooks, Pyro, Wolverina, Kahlan (yeah, I even am glad to know you
), Matt Violence, the Hughes Brothers, among countless others. I'm glad to have been able to work some of the most fun storylines since the old heel Stone Orchard days and help coach a few guys from the bottom to near the top. I'd make a few paragraphs addressing people and thanking them for this and that, but they can get on MSN and ask me if they want to read it.
All in all, it's been a great ride, but it's time for MD to hang up his boots. I'm making this all sappy and Lord knows I'm sensitive, so I'm trying not to tear up while typing as some of my more memorable moments flash before my eyes, but yeah... I'm done. I'll be on MSN, so it's not like you guys won't ever talk to me again, and I definitely wouldn't leave a one-off match out of the question down the line, but as a full-time RPer, I am finished. I'm still even having second thoughts about posting this right now, but I gotta do it. Thanks for everything, guys and gals, and make EVPW have a great 2010 and beyond.
-Robert F. Browne (Metal Dragon/Reverend Vortigern)
I talked to a young man on Facebook named Dylan Leblanc, whom I greatly respect and who has been my friend since 2007, when we stopped hating each other and he'd just created a new e-fed character named Brian Commonwealth. Dylan quit e-fedding in the summer of 2008 and I had taken a short hiatus soon afterward to go to college, thinking I had retired. Dylan remains retired from e-feds, his personality having turned 180 degrees from what you all remember of him.
Meanwhile, I returned to EVPW in the fall of 2008 after my extracurricular activities kinda disappeared, in a state of boredom. Being that anything I'm good at immediately sucks up all my time, I fell into a deep depression while at TTU and e-fedding sucked up hours of my time per day even if nobody was posting anywhere, for one sole reason: I was good at it and it boosted my self-esteem. Fuck the fact that I was going to maybe two classes per week. Fuck the fact that the girl with awesome tits that I wanted to hang out with one weekend might have given me a chance. I was too much of a coward and I chose to keep on feddin'. It was comfortable and I knew I'd always succeed here.
My grades slipped and I finished the year with a 1.2 GPA. Before I returned, I was making all A's.
Fast-forward to the close of 2009. I've lost my job and I can't find a new one, I can't have fun playing the 360 for some reason, and the only thing that seems stable for me is my fedding and GMing. Every day I open this up, bitch to/about people on MSN (which, after looking at how much backstabbing I've done in my e-fed career, makes me sick at myself), and maybe post something just so I won't lose to whoever I'm paired up with. This isn't even fun anymore. It's a chore most weeks and everything's become political, which helps me say the next sentence, something that I should've kept to back in the fall of 2008 when I was leaving for college:
I'm done with fedding.
Yeah, I might post one more time in my match just to go out on a good note, but find another GM for WNG and vacate the tag belts if we retain them. It's time for me to find something that doesn't have me in a stranglehold, and it's past time for me to be what I SHOULD have been. I want to go back to college. I want to have a social life. I don't want to sit in a dark room for hours writing a post. It's taken its toll on me.
Not to say that I haven't enjoyed my career, though it was definitely more enjoyable in the past. (You know, when people asked "What did I do wrong to lose?" rather than "Whose dick did he suck to win?" at the sight of a results thread.)
One side of me is glad, though, that I came back a little over a year ago, because otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to meet Brooks, Pyro, Wolverina, Kahlan (yeah, I even am glad to know you
), Matt Violence, the Hughes Brothers, among countless others. I'm glad to have been able to work some of the most fun storylines since the old heel Stone Orchard days and help coach a few guys from the bottom to near the top. I'd make a few paragraphs addressing people and thanking them for this and that, but they can get on MSN and ask me if they want to read it.All in all, it's been a great ride, but it's time for MD to hang up his boots. I'm making this all sappy and Lord knows I'm sensitive, so I'm trying not to tear up while typing as some of my more memorable moments flash before my eyes, but yeah... I'm done. I'll be on MSN, so it's not like you guys won't ever talk to me again, and I definitely wouldn't leave a one-off match out of the question down the line, but as a full-time RPer, I am finished. I'm still even having second thoughts about posting this right now, but I gotta do it. Thanks for everything, guys and gals, and make EVPW have a great 2010 and beyond.
-Robert F. Browne (Metal Dragon/Reverend Vortigern)
*walks away* 
